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Band 3.5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals
People
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
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 different views about individuals
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 more or less dependent on each other nowadays. In my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
this
 modern world
force
Change the verb form
forces
show examples
 us to be independent than
old
Add an article
the old
show examples
 generation. There are two main reasons why it could be argued that
people
 are more dependent on
others
.
Firstly
 , life became more complex and difficult because the living cost is increased dramatically.
For example
, young adults tend to rely on their parents for help to buy a new house. The property cost is high in
ever
Correct your spelling
every
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 and many impossible to pay deposit and
mortage
Correct your spelling
mortgage
Mortage
.
Secondly
 ,
people
 seem to be more ambitious and they want quality of life for their families. To achieve
this
 both parents have to work and earn full time and they are dependent on
Correct your spelling
grandparents
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grand parents
Correct your spelling
grandparents
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 and
babysitter
Fix the agreement mistake
babysitters
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 for their child care.
However
, I would agree with
people
 who
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 we are independent these days. In
majority
Add an article
the majority
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 of
countries
Add a comma
,countries
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 families became smaller and dispersed.
People
 cannot count on relatives as they used to do it. We have more freedom and stay away from our local town. Students are going outside to complete their study and it made them more independent to do the things alone.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 we can work these days from
any where
Join the words
anywhere
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 and earn without depending on
others
. To recapitulate , some of them are thinking individuals are dependent on
others
. In my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 we are independent
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
others
 in
this
 advanced technology world
Submitted by meera.antu on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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