IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games.

#people #access #computers #children #video #games
In today,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
 technology has grown rapidly that we all have access easier than
past
Change preposition
in past
show examples
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many platforms.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increasing amounts of
children
 are
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 in playing
video
games
.
This
 essay will look at the positive aspects these
games
 can have and
also
 the negative effects on
children
. In these times, many people have access to
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 various purposes, especially
children
 prefer to play
video
Add an article
a video
the video
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
.
In addition
, some kid plays
video
games
 for relaxing when they have finished in
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 day or reduce stress after class.
Furthermore
,
video
games
 can make imagination for young people when they play
Add an article
a game
the game
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 about building
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, matching
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, simulation
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, and so on.
From the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 internet has an important role in daily life so
children
 can play online
games
. Nowadays, online
video
games
 are used in
competition
Add an article
a competition
the competition
show examples
 that some people call “
E – sport
Add a hyphen
E-sport
show examples
”
hence
video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 have made income since they are young.
However
, there are
also
 many problems with the increasing popularity of
computer
games
. Some parent concerns their
children
 who addict to play
video
games
 for hours, it can affect about
evaluation
Add an article
the evaluation
show examples
 of education.
For instance
, an academic result declines every year because their
children
 pay attention
Add a hyphen
in-game
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
the game
a game
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 more than
upbringing
Correct pronoun usage
their upbringing
show examples
.
Additionally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
game
 can affect their health.
For example
, when
children
 play a
game
 without a pause, it can make
children
 to poor eyesight bring about to
blind
Add a missing verb
be blind
show examples
.
Likewise
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 the
video
games
 create an aggressive personality when they play
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
games
 that have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violent,
sex
Replace the word
sexual
show examples
, and blood categories. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages with
computer
games
 and parents need to monitor their
children
's activity as some
games
 may be more suitable than others.
Submitted by northpole_43420 on

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