IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games.

#people #access #computers #children #video #games
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In today,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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computer
Use synonyms
 technology has grown rapidly that we all have access easier than
past
Change preposition
in past
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time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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in
Change preposition
on
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 many platforms.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increasing amounts of
children
Use synonyms
 are
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 in playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look at the positive aspects these
games
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 can have and
also
Linking Words
 the negative effects on
children
Use synonyms
. In these times, many people have access to
Use synonyms
Add an article
a computer
the computer
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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in
Change preposition
for
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 various purposes, especially
children
Use synonyms
 prefer to play
Use synonyms
video
Add an article
a video
the video
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Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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.
In addition
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, some kid plays
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 for relaxing when they have finished in
school
Add an article
the school
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 day or reduce stress after class.
Furthermore
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,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can make imagination for young people when they play
Use synonyms
Add an article
a game
the game
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game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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 about building
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, matching
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, simulation
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game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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, and so on.
From the
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The
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 internet has an important role in daily life so
children
Use synonyms
 can play online
games
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, online
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are used in
competition
Add an article
a competition
the competition
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 that some people call “
E – sport
Add a hyphen
E-sport
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”
hence
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video
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 have made income since they are young.
However
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, there are
also
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 many problems with the increasing popularity of
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. Some parent concerns their
children
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 who addict to play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 for hours, it can affect about
evaluation
Add an article
the evaluation
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 of education.
For instance
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, an academic result declines every year because their
children
Use synonyms
 pay attention
Add a hyphen
in-game
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in
Change preposition
to
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Use synonyms
Add an article
the game
a game
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game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 more than
upbringing
Correct pronoun usage
their upbringing
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.
Additionally
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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video
Use synonyms
game
Use synonyms
 can affect their health.
For example
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, when
children
Use synonyms
 play a
game
Use synonyms
 without a pause, it can make
children
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 to poor eyesight bring about to
blind
Add a missing verb
be blind
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.
Likewise
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,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 the
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 create an aggressive personality when they play
the
Correct article usage
apply
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games
Use synonyms
 that have
a
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apply
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violent,
sex
Replace the word
sexual
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, and blood categories. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages with
computer
Use synonyms
games
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 and parents need to monitor their
children
Use synonyms
's activity as some
games
Use synonyms
 may be more suitable than others.
Submitted by northpole_43420 on

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