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Writing Samples
Band 5

Children and teenagers are committing more and more crimes in many countries. Why is this happening? How can we stop or at least reduce youth crime?

In many countries,
crimes
Use synonyms
 have been increasing day by day.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it has been observed that
such
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 incidents are taking place by teenagers.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for enhancing some
crimes
Use synonyms
 by
children
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 and suggest how we can prevent
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
;
however
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, in my opinion, the primary cause of
such
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 incidents is the impact of their surroundings or environment. A significant number of
children
Use synonyms
 are indulged in
crimes
Use synonyms
 these days. One of the main causes is the impact of negative movies which contain violent, offensive content.
Children
Use synonyms
 do not understand the differences between reality and what they see
on
Change preposition
in
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 a program; they try to adopt
such
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 activities in their daily lives.
For instance
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, actions
such
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 as robbery and
children
Use synonyms
 trying to attempt in their real lives when their family faces scarcity of resources like food. These incidents enhance crime among teenagers and lead to becoming
a severe criminals
Correct the article-noun agreement
a severe criminal
severe criminals
show examples
 later on. To reduce or even eliminate youth crime, parents have to focus on the young people's lives at home and school to reduce or eliminate
such
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crimes
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. Child-minding and after-school childcare are often used in these cases.
For example
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,
asking
Change preposition
by asking
show examples
 them about their daily activities, their friends will support the parents to have an idea about their peers;
in addition
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, it will help understand them
instead
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 of direct supervision.
Moreover
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, they should be encouraged towards their studies and their future goals.
To conclude
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, it is true that the rise of crime can be linked to factors at home or
Change preposition
in their
show examples
their
Change the word
the
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 environment.
While
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 family time is essential for bonding and observing patterns of their behaviours,
this
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 is an advantage to build a kid's behaviour when it is outside too.

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction and follow them in the body of the essay.
coherence
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, making your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and tries to explain reasons and solutions, which is good.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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