IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmers
It is often said that doing
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
unpaid
community
 service is essential for both youngsters and the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
community
. I disagree with
this
 statement and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will argue my reasons. In
this
 paragraph, I will discuss the argument which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 opposed to the topic sentence. So
firstly
, as schools
curriculum
Replace the word
curricula
show examples
 are usually full, there will be no spare
time
 for
students
 to do
community
 service.
Next
, pupils have different interests and it might be unrealistic to cover their desires through some specific jobs ,
such
 as taking care of senior citizens or cutting the lawn.
Finally
, they might have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of motivation to sign in for a free service for
a strangers
Correct the article-noun agreement
strangers
a stranger
show examples
.
As a result
, it might not be the
first
 choice of
students
 to be involved in these situations.
On the other hand
, there might be some other forms of charity work
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can please the adolescents. Schools can have a connection with the
community
 council to introduce the
students
 to the jobs
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they show more interest
toward
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Besides
, rather than offering unsalaried
jobs
Add a comma
,jobs
show examples
 people can consider a little amount of money in return
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teenagers donated
time
 and skills. The other idea could be to
first
 train the
students
 regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their abilities
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 let them choose a voluntary job or project to test their skills. In conclusion, some people might support the idea of teenagers spending their
time
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 charity ,but I disagree as it might not be the ideal way for young people to use their free
time
.
Submitted by ghasemistudent on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: