IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarcric. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourits who visit such places?

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Several tourists now choose to visit weird places for tourism these days unlike before,
such
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 as the Antarctic and the Sahara Desert.
Although
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 there are advantages today
such
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 trips ,
however
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, the risks attached to them cannot be neglected.
To begin
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 with, the benefits of going on a journey to the strange places mentioned above, an important one is that it gives travellers a lifetime experience.
That is
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, the harsh conditions of these locations make only a few
people
Use synonyms
 visit there,
therefore
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, it would be a precious moment for the few that could make it there.
For instance
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, less than five thousand individuals from different parts of the world have made it to Antarctica in the
last
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 fifty years. Another reason is that many
people
Use synonyms
 love taking adventurous challenges, so going to an odd place like the Sahara is a bucket list for them irrespective of the dangers that might be there. Meanwhile, these crazy experiences are worth it,
however
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, there are huge disadvantages associated with them. The most horrible one is the poor and extreme weather conditions in these places.
Hence
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 risk their lives to go there. For example,
according to
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 reports, at least, 3 of 10 tourists die from frostbite
while
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 touring Antarctica.
Also
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, camping is not safe
due to
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 ravaging wildlife, especially, foxes and snakes.
Consequently
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,
this
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 led to the death of several
people
Use synonyms
 with missing bodies.
Finally
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,
although
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, when it comes to tourism destinations,
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming riskier and more daring as each day passes, I think it would be very important for them to weigh and consider the associated risks before embarking on
such
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 a journey.
Moreover
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, health fitness to travel should be considered
as well as
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 proper planning for safety interventions in case of emergencies.

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task achievement
Consider adding more relevant statistics or examples to support the claims made about the disadvantages, particularly when discussing the risks associated with wildlife and extreme weather conditions.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is generally well-structured, you might want to use more varied linking words to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both the benefits and disadvantages of visiting difficult conditions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs, which enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
You have effectively used examples and explanations to support your main points, which improves the overall clarity of your argument.
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