IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

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The bad
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
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 of biodiversity
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become a widespread concern in recent years. There is an opinion that governments should spend a huge amount of money on preserving wild creatures.
However
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, I disagree with the idea given, because it is possible to exploit resources intelligently to benefit both
animals
Use synonyms
 and the human population. The animal conservation project has been highly prioritized in many countries. The first convincing reason is the number of species that appear on the red list
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 every year. If the extinction of flora and fauna continues, the survival of humans can be threatened.
For example
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, if the hunt of whales cannot be prevented, the ocean ecosystems will be changed in a negative trend,
this
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 may affect the seafood sources on which the communities, especially the fishermen depend for a living.
Next,
Linking Words
protecting wild
animals
Use synonyms
 means protecting their habitats like rainforests and oceans. If not, climate change will alter our food
supplied
Wrong verb form
supply
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 when overpopulation still continues.
Therefore
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, there will be a shortage of food unless they solve
this
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 problem as soon as possible.
On the other hand
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, money should be spent on the welfare of humankind, certainly. First of all, the poverty and homelessness rates in many undeveloped and developing countries have increased dramatically. Let alone many lives are in difficult circumstances and now facing death because of starvation and disease. For that reason, the authorities should aid the funds for the underprivileged to overcome adversity and improve the lives of residents.
Secondly
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, wild
animals
Use synonyms
 may be the most compelling reason for the decrease in agriculture. They eat crops or
also
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 leave pathogens on plants, which reduce the quantity and efficiency of agricultural products.
Last
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 but not least, people establish ecotourism destinations in order to prevent endangered species from poaching, but its purpose is not only that. The responsibility of
this
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 is
creating
Wrong verb form
create
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 more jobs for the people
such
Linking Words
 as biotechnology or environment protection industry. In conclusion, it is necessary to protect wild
animals
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, people should keep balancing the resources allocated for society and wildlife

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Task Achievement
While your argument is clear, make sure to present both sides of the debate more equally to strengthen your response. Perhaps elaborate a bit more on how the conservation efforts could benefit human populations as well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For instance, when you switch from discussing the importance of conservation to the argument for prioritizing human welfare.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to back your claims. For instance, including statistics on the impact of biodiversity loss on human societies could make your argument more compelling.
Content
Your essay presents clear arguments and an understanding of the topic.
Content
You have included relevant points regarding the effects of biodiversity loss and the importance of conservation.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem stability
  • pollination
  • water purification
  • climate regulation
  • eco-tourism
  • scientific research
  • moral and ethical responsibility
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • financial cost
  • social issues
  • healthcare
  • education
  • fund allocation
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