IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Whereas some think that celebrities should not get involved in politics, others claim they can play an important role in changing society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #celebrities #politics #role #society
Some people believe that superstars should not get engaged in political parties, others say that they can play a crucial role
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
 a change in society.
Although
 celebs should not participate in
politics
 because it is not their expertise, I believe that they would play
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 role in changing society as hundreds of followers. On the one hand, celebrities should keep a distance from
politics
Replace the word
political
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 parties because it is not their expert area.
This
 is to say that they do not have prior knowledge about how the functioning is going on in the political system.
Therefore
, they would not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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 to highlight the key areas to work for the public and there would be high chances of misguidance by wrong persons.
For example
, in India, many Bollywood actors joined
politics
 to do something for the public but failed to do that because of the absence of knowledge about the system.
However
, I believe that they can make a change in the community by using their fan following.
On the other hand
, famous personalities can create a positive impact on humanity because of their listeners.
This
 implies that celebrities have millions of followers in their personal and professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, so when they promote something, that catch millions of people
attending
Wrong verb form
attend
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.
As a result
, the promotion creates a great deal of impact on the public.
For instance
, during a pandemic, in India, many celebrities
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 a
compain
Correct your spelling
campaign
 to help
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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low-class families by providing them
food
Change preposition
with food
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 and shelter, and they all get support from all over the nation.
Therefore
, I fully agree that superstars could create a positive change. In conclusion, despite, famous personalities should avoid involvement in
politics
 because it is not their best area, I believe they play an important part in the betterment of society
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 support.
Submitted by sonamrohilla on

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extended
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and offering a personal opinion. However, the response lacks depth and fails to fully develop the arguments.
extended
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates some logical structure and supported main points, but the introduction and conclusion need improvement to better frame the discussion. Additionally, the essay would benefit from clearer transitions between ideas to enhance coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • political discourse
  • democratic processes
  • policy experts
  • misinformation
  • mobilize
  • civic engagement
  • democratic process
  • platform
  • qualified politicians
  • policy experts
  • informed decision-making
  • bridge the gap
  • raise awareness
What to do next:
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