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Band 4

Despite a variety of sport facilities and gyms, people are less fit nowadays than ever before. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

#variety #sport #facilities #gyms #people
It is often argued that nowadays
people
 are more sedentary than before despite there are a lot of sports facilities and gyms.
This
 is a real problem of the current society which is less fit compared with past years. In my opinion, one of the most relevant causes was the invention of video games in fact young
people
 today preferred to play in front of a screen despite
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
sport
 in real life. I remember when I was young and when there were not any kind of electronic games so the only moment of
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
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 was during our
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activity.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities are reproduced on a screen as a consequence that most
people
 choose to watch television,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 the football match, despite playing it with friends and
this
 choice lead to reduce our
sport
-time. One more cause is that nowadays
people
 are extremely busy with work and for someone is very difficult to find some free time for training or doing
sport
. For
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 I think that one of the solutions is to create some special activity programs for workers,
for
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 each company can give some free time for all the employees to
spent
Change the form of the verb
spend
show examples
 on
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities and gyms. To conclude, the number of
people
 who do regular
sport
 is decreased in the
last
 few years and the causes are the invention of video games and the intensive lifestyle of workers. I hope for the future that the society will understand the importance of training every day and
this
 is possible if the
people
 will have extra free time.
Submitted by edogiova01 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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