Many people work long hours, leaving very little  time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages.

In
this
sophisticated
world
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,world
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many
people
spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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most of the
time
to work
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working
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hard and little
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
leisure
activities,
this
might be
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
sometimes but
also
may have many difficulties.
This
essay will explain some benefits and drawbacks of
this
fact. Working for long hours is good for making more money and getting oneself busier. In spite of, having
good
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the good
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financial condition is important in
life
,
although
only money would not be support physically and mentally.
Moreover
,
people
would
facing
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face
be facing
show examples
major health issues.
For example
, 65% of
people
have eyes issues due to watching visual
display
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displays
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10 hours a
day
, before only 20% of
people
were wearing spectacles.
This
behaviour is getting worst
day
by
day
and making many difficulties on
people
's health.
However
,
people
will do work sufficient
time
a
day
they will get more
leisure
time
to relax
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
and they will get
time
to make fun with family and
fariends
Correct your spelling
friends
.
Furthermore
, working for only office hours,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
have advantages like, getting more
leisure
time
, metally feel calm and most importantly in a
leisure
time
they can do activities like, yoga, gymnastic, singing, dancing and many more that make them happy. In conclusion, working more and earning more is not important as your health and social
life
. Money more can give you luxury facilities but it never
give
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gives
show examples
you relaxation and real happiness
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
life
.
People
should have some
leisure
time
for themselves and enjoy
life
without having any stress.
Submitted by patilastha1197 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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