Child obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two third of the children are obese. School have responsibility to monitor what their students are eating and amount of their exercise. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Health means physical and mental well being and it is one of the crucial development of
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.But
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays

The compound now a days appears to be incorrect. Consider changing it to the closed compound nowadays.

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majority of
school
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are obese. I completely agree with the notion that schools have
there
Correct your spelling
their

The word there doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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own
Change the verb form
owned

It appears that the verb own should be in the past participle form. Consider changing it.

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responsibility to mobilise healthy habits, which will be addressed in the following paragraphs
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, modern advertisement and food chain companies
are always encourages
Change the verb form
are always encouraged
are always encouraging

It appears that the form of the verb encourages does not work with are in this sentence.

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unhealthy eating habits in spite of its consequence.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it brings overweight and related
healthy
Replace the word
health

The word healthy doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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problems among kids .
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, schools and other educational settings need to identify what kind of food
intakes
Fix the agreement mistake
intake

It seems that intakes may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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are follow by their
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

because education generates
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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lifestyle among people.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need a proper amount of protein and minerals for their brain development to achieve their learning
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks

It seems that task may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. To illustrate
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of India introduced
mid day
Add a hyphen
mid-day

It appears that mid day is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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meal programs for
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

under 14 years old .Admittedly,
adapting
Correct your spelling
adopting

The word adapting doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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good eating habits and circulating
protein enriched
Add a hyphen
protein-enriched

It appears that protein enriched is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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meals
are
Change the verb form
is

The verb are does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the motto of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

programs
Fix the agreement mistake
program

It seems that programs may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. Apparently, teachers play an important role in the socialization of
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they can make awareness among parents through PTA programs (parents teachers association) in
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

settings.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, introducing calory list, physical exercise ,yoga practice, community voluntary works and sports facilities
provides
Change the verb form
provide

The verb provides does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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more inspiration of healthy eating
amongs
Correct your spelling
amongst
among

The word amongs is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in
Japan
Add a comma
,Japan

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in Japan. Consider adding a comma.

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every minor
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

students
Change to a singular noun
student

The singular quantifier every is followed by the plural noun students. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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should follow cleaning, meals distribution and cooking in their
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

settings ,for creating them more responsible and healthier. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In conclusion. Consider adding a comma.

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health is the wealth of man whereas every
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

children
Change to a singular noun
child

The singular quantifier every is followed by the plural noun children. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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need a healthy body d and mines so social institution like schools will amba more convenient and creative ideas for
healthy
Add an article
a healthy

The noun phrase healthy lifestyle seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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lifestyle
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • monitor
  • responsibility
  • nutritional education
  • physical activity programs
  • collaborative effort
  • dietary habits
  • exercise routines
  • healthy lifestyles
  • tackle
  • structured
  • partnership
  • curriculum
  • reporting concerns
  • home-school partnership
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