IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Fast food has become more common in recent years. Some people think that it has a negative effect on lifestyles and diets. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #years #people #effect #lifestyles #diets
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Consuming processed
food
 has been more frequent in
last
Change the article
the last
show examples
 couple of years. Many
people
 believe that it has impacted adversely on lifestyles and meals.I totally agree with that and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I'm pointing out the reasons and the justification for that.
Firstly
, the major consequence which comes hand in hand with fast
food
 is
obesity
.It has been proven by the researches done all around the world that there's a direct
coorelation
Correct your spelling
correlation
 between
obesity
 and fast
food
.
Calory
Correct article usage
The calory
show examples
 count of fast
food
 is alarmingly higher than usual
food
 that
of
Add a missing verb
is of
show examples
 the same weight,
also
 its digestion is super fast compared to natural
food
 that usually contains
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
fibers
Change the spelling
fibres
show examples
. So the
calaries
Correct your spelling
calories
 enters into the
Correct your spelling
bloodstream
show examples
blood stream
Correct your spelling
bloodstream
show examples
 within a short period of time leading to store more as Fats.So more calory intake leads to weight gain.Long tern
obesity
 leads to many other health complications like joint pains and spinal injuries too.
Secondly
, many cancerous elements
found
Add a missing verb
are found
show examples
 in
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 fast
food
Change to a plural noun
foods
show examples
.
Deep fried
Add a hyphen
Deep-fried
show examples
 and high sugar content
food
 are the top contenders. When
people
 get so used to fast
food
 they tend to neglect healthy natural
food
 which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 full of Proteins, Vitamins and Fiber which are essential for healthy living. It's vital for the immunity system of the
body
 too.So the
body
 immunity will deteriorate over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time and it will be hard to fight
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many types of harmful viruses and bacterias.So that way the
body
 will be
vulnerble
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
 to more
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 including
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cancers. More calories to process in the
body
means
Change the verb form
mean
show examples
 more blood dedicated to
digestive
Correct article usage
the digestive
show examples
 process which will eventually cause laziness because the blood circulation for the other parts of the
body
 is less. In conclusion, fast
food
 which was popularized recently has resulted in
obesity
 and cancer among
people
,
hence
 it has
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
show examples
 effect on the lifestyles and meals of the
people
.
Submitted by charith.jayathilake on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: