IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century and protection of wild animal is waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, preservation problems have been becoming necessary significantly all
the
Change preposition
over the
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 world
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wildlife
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gradually disappeared
due to
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 over-exploitation. Scientists demonstrated that wild animal is important to human beings so humans should save them and their habitats to escape extinction. In my opinion, I do agree that governments should invest money in protecting wild animals because
wildlife
Use synonyms
 is related to human survival and benefits.
Firstly
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, animal species are a crucial part of an ecosystem
while
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 humans need a healthier one for existence in a long time. Animal activities contribute to populating more plantations and diversity in biology which supply humans
food
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with food
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, fresh air and water, raw
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
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 and even medicine.
For example
Linking Words
, a bird in New Zealand could swallow seeds of native trees and
then
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 disperse them in other places
of
Change preposition
in
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 a forest.
This
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 natural action helps the development of native trees which could clean the polluted living environment
due to
Linking Words
 the industrial revolution.
Secondly
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,
wildlife
Use synonyms
 has brought many
economical
Correct word choice
economic
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 advantages
as well as
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 is considered a part of national nature. Tourism that could connect with
wildlife
Use synonyms
 creates more jobs for local residents.
For instance
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, travelling in natural areas having a lot of wild animals in Africa has attracted more tourists from different nations. The government could not only
be taken
Wrong verb form
take
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 conservation but
also
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 could gain big amounts.
Moreover
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, wild animals are in relation to human ancients and symbols of belief. Particularly, elephants are considered religious beliefs and respected deeply in India. In conclusion, spending money on protecting wild creatures is an adequately necessary method for human life. It is predicted that more and more governments, companies,
communities
Correct word choice
and communities
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 have been aware of the animal import role and preserved them.

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured response. You have provided relevant examples to support your ideas and have addressed the prompt effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay exhibits a logical structure overall, but the introduction and conclusion could be developed further to provide a stronger framework for the essay. Consider providing a more concise thesis statement and a summary of the main points in the introduction, and a reinforced restatement of the thesis and a broader implication of the ideas in the conclusion.
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