Question: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes(for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

Many people believe that free community service should be a mandatory part of programmes of high school,
for instance
working for charitable activities, teaching young children about sports or make
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
of the neighbourhood. I would agree with
this
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because these are the most but least needs of human beings. There are associations and societies even privatised trusts are working to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
this
social need. In 2010, a person come across the
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
and forwarded an idea,
then
the people hesitated to receive the comprehensive meaning
initially
, but
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
show examples
it became one of the greatest
service
Change to a plural noun
services
show examples
in that country. They established branches all
along
Add the preposition
withalong
show examples
the country,especially the places concentrated
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
poverty.The aim of his initiative was to vanish the starve of poor people, later it turned into
adoption
Add an article
the adoption
show examples
of orphans and the left alone individuals.
Ocassionally
Correct your spelling
Occasionally
, a plethora of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
with good
heart
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
show examples
joined his journey, while some questioned their service. By 2018, they started several
institution
Change to a plural noun
institutions
show examples
for educating talented
students
to produce the funds for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
the education was free along with
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
and miscellaneous expenses but
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
only condition is donating a part of their income for the development of the trust and it was really affordable. They selected
students
with exceptional qualities and talents, no manipulation
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
encouraged in
selection
Add an article
the selection
a selection
show examples
of
students
. The candidates should go for outing and recreational activities twice in four days,
frankly
Add a comma
,frankly
show examples
the schools are like heaven for the
students
who got admitted. Nowadays, the
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
raised by these schools are working at top official posts of the country and it let the trust to grow
enoromously
Correct your spelling
enormously
. After all these successful
tasksthe
Correct your spelling
tasks the
asks the
tasks
founder of
this
unique idea went to Africa
fot
Correct your spelling
for
establishing new branches over there, and he is receiving support from different parts of the world. In conclusion, I totally agree with my whole support to improve
such
activities for the society,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
development in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
of sports,arts, and research and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
considerable progress of my neighbourhood. By taking account of
this
matter, it is a good thing we can do at our level best.
Submitted by Sal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: