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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed what is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?

In the 21st century, the field of education brings enormous changes
where as
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whereas
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 the
parents
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 always compelling their
children
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 to succeed
these
Change preposition
in these
show examples
 norms. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the constructive and destructive effects
the
Correct article usage
apply
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on
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of
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the given statement and I strongly support that pressurising students for study generate a negative impact on their development.
To begin
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, there are many
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underlying
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underling
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underlying
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reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 for
parents
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 to pressure their
children
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 to learn.
Firstly
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, now education
considered
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is considered
show examples
 as a status symbol in which, getting
good
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a good
the good
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 position is important rather than
it
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apply
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empowerment.
Secondly
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, private schools and management introduced competition among students because more winners mean more profit in their pocket.
Thirdly
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, due to increasing population and
less
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fewer
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 employment
opportunity
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opportunities
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 made a stressful mind among
parents
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 for the future of their
children
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.
In addition
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,
theses
Correct your spelling
these
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 circumstances made the results of
parents
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 comparison on their
children
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 with others.
Howeve
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However
 it results
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in
from
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less confidence and
self realisation
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self-realisation
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of
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in
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children
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.
For example
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, Swiss educationist Jean
piaget
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Piaget
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 in his research
poin
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point
points
plain
 out that comparison decrease
Correct your spelling
children's
childrens
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children's
show examples
potentiality
Replace the word
potential
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 to study. Apparently, every child
need
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needs
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 positive reinforcement
on
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in
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 their studies and it
enhance
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enhances
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 their learning capacity. To illustrate
this
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, Abraham Maslow ,one of the famous humanistic
psychologist
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psychologists
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 in the world suggested that punishment and compelling study destroy the natural learning ability of human life. Reportedly, when
parents
Use synonyms
 compelling their
children
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, it will negatively influence their physical ability because tension makes the production of unwanted hormones in their body.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 teach their
children
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 how to overcome difficulties in life and they need to support any challenging situation. In conclusion, every
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children
Change to a singular noun
child
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 is unique and they have their own
in born
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inborn
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 talents. As a parent, everyone should understand their
children
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's ability and
to
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apply
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encourage them to succeed
their
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in their
show examples
 life happily.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
What to do next:
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