IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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In the industrial era, many food processing companies added too much carbohydrate into their commodity and
this
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 could affect consumers’ health. I strongly agree that increasing
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of sugary
products
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 could discourage
people
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 from consuming
sugar
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. Let us explain why
this
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 measure could improve the situation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the more expensive the
products
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 are, the fewer
people
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 would eat sugary
foods
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. According to relevant experts, in poor
countries
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 where the
taxation
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 on
sugar
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 is high,
Correct article usage
the
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numbers of
people
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 who buy
products
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 added with
sugar
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 tend to be lower. Indeed, if the
people
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 in less developed
countries
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 want to eat sugary
foods
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, they can consider replacing them with various sweet fruits.
Secondly
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, the higher tariffs on
sugar
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 may force manufacturers to reduce the amount of
sugar
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 in
foods
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. Relevant experts point out that
this
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 could encourage businesses to produce healthier
products
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. If they were to lower the level of
sugar
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 in their
products
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, they would surely benefit buyers’ health.
For example
Linking Words
, in many developed
countries
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,
foods
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 with excessive levels of
sugar
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 are not allowed to sell to end-users.
Therefore
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,
this
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taxation
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 may help in
this
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 case. Surely the
taxation
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 on
sugar
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 might not completely discourage the consumption of sugary
products
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 in wealthy
countries
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. Yet
this
Linking Words
 (
taxation
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) may deter others from consuming
such
Linking Words
 unhealthy content. To conclude, I strongly believe that increasing
sugar
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 prices could discourage society from consuming sugary production because of higher costs and fewer sugary
commodity
Fix the agreement mistake
commodities
show examples
.
Submitted by slickdesertfox on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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