IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In
this
Linking Words
 today world, watching
television
Use synonyms
 is becoming a major threat to our family relations, rather than talking to our family or visiting
people
Use synonyms
 we just watch
television
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I totally agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement and in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will be explaining how
this
Linking Words
television
Use synonyms
 can become a threat to our relations.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they will lack
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of communicating with the community or
ur
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
 household while viewing
television
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
 who don't go out in the community,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will feel shy when they move out in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to talk to others. Sadly, they will lose their sense of communication over age,
Moreover
Linking Words
, they will
also
Linking Words
 find it very hard to even talk to their parents.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they should talk to their household
instead
Linking Words
 of spending hours in front of
Use synonyms
television
Add an article
the television
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they will lack character development in them in
such
Linking Words
 a way that they won't know how to interact with the
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
, elders and teachers.
For example
Linking Words
, children of
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 age group have different maturity levels in
such
Linking Words
 a way that despite,
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being of the same age they will not know how to tackle problems while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it will be easy for others to do the same thing.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they should visit
people
Use synonyms
 and places while wasting hours in front of
Use synonyms
television
Add an article
the television
show examples
. In conclusion, they should spend more time with friends and family
instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
television
Change preposition
on television
show examples
 and they should
also
Linking Words
 visit
people
Use synonyms
 outside and places
neerby
Correct your spelling
nearby
 .

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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