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Writing Samples
Band 4

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#television #life #sense #community #people
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In
this
 today world, watching
television
 is becoming a major threat to our family relations, rather than talking to our family or visiting
people
 we just watch
television
.
However
, I totally agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will be explaining how
this
television
 can become a threat to our relations.
Firstly
, they will lack
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of communicating with the community or
ur
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
 household while viewing
television
.
For instance
, those
people
 who don't go out in the community,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will feel shy when they move out in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to talk to others. Sadly, they will lose their sense of communication over age,
Moreover
, they will
also
 find it very hard to even talk to their parents.
Therefore
, they should talk to their household
instead
 of spending hours in front of
television
Add an article
the television
show examples
.
Secondly
, they will lack character development in them in
such
 a way that they won't know how to interact with the
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
, elders and teachers.
For example
, children of
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 age group have different maturity levels in
such
 a way that despite,
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being of the same age they will not know how to tackle problems while
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it will be easy for others to do the same thing.
Therefore
 they should visit
people
 and places while wasting hours in front of
television
Add an article
the television
show examples
. In conclusion, they should spend more time with friends and family
instead
 of
television
Change preposition
on television
show examples
 and they should
also
 visit
people
 outside and places
neerby
Correct your spelling
nearby
 .
Submitted by hamzabeg021 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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