IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that investing money to prevent a
Use synonyms
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
 before it actually
happends
Correct your spelling
happens
 while
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 counterparts rather spend that amount of money on those who have already contracted the illness. Personally, I think it is better to be safe than sorry. I will give my reasons below to support my idea. It is obvious that in the long run, it is more
benifitial
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beneficial
 to stop an
ailment
Use synonyms
 before it starts spreading out. The
gorvernments
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governments
 are to swing into action as soon as they
detects
Change the verb form
detect
show examples
 the threat of a
Use synonyms
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
 so that they can protect the health of their citizens without having to splash out on curing them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, warding
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 an
ailment
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 on large scale is much easier in
comparision
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comparison
 to curing a lot of
people
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. To cite an example, during the COVID 19 pandemic, VN has prepared its men well by asking everyone to sanitize and wear a mask all the time when they are outside.
That is
Linking Words
 why it can keep the amount of
illed
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killed
ill
people
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 at the lowest rate.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only curing those with
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 can leave tragic consequences. With
pure
Correct article usage
a pure
show examples
 cure, the government cannot rid the
ailment
Use synonyms
 of the community. To illustrate, helping one person with the illness does not stop it from reaching out to other
people
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. Another will contract the
ailment
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, be cured and the circulation will never end. What is more, treating a large
amount
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number
show examples
 of
people
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 lays pressure on resourcement and
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. There is a chance that there may not be enough tools, medicine,
ect
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etc
, to treat all the patients.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
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 die out of the
Use synonyms
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
. In conclusion, while some
people
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 opine for stopping a
Use synonyms
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
 only when it
happends
Correct your spelling
happens
, I believe prevention is better than cure. Prevention does not only
permently
Correct your spelling
permanently
 get rid of the
ailment
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 saves lots of money and resources, as well as helps patients before it is too late.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • lifestyle-related illnesses
  • quality of life
  • health-conscious society
  • allocate funds
  • balanced healthcare system
  • comprehensive healthcare strategy
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