IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Science will soon make it possible for people to live until 100 years, perhaps even to 200 years. Some people think that this would be a good thing. Others think that it would cause many problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#science #people #years
Achievements we
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to achieve in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science and technology are remarkable. It has been predicted the way we are getting along its not far away when every
person
 will able to live more than 200
years
,
this
 thinking relish some people but some
contradicts
Change the verb form
contradict
show examples
 that it would create
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of problems.
This
 essay will discuss both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
 and I will give my opinion as well in the forthcoming paragraphs. According to
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 notion, if it made possible to live more than two hundred
years
 that would be a markable accomplishment because if it made certain that a human can live around 200
years
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 every
person
 will be able to plan his
life
 better as there will be enough time to do
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
such
 as marriage, kids, study and soon.
Moreover
, a
disease free
Add a hyphen
disease-free
show examples
life
,
for example
, as the
person
 will able to
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
life
 it can only happen if an antibiotic of every disease is found, which makes almost quarter of humans
life
Correct your spelling
bedridden
show examples
bed ridden
Correct your spelling
bedridden
show examples
. According to
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 statement, having
such
 a long
life
 span will cause
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of problems
such
 as
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
, pollution, deforestation etcetera.
Firstly
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of
years
 to live for a
person
, will make a world
tidy
Correct article usage
a tidy
show examples
 place to live as
birth
Add an article
the birth
show examples
 rate will be
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
.
Secondly
, to adjust more populace demand for land will rise which can become the reason for deforestation, which eventually make a populated world.
For example
, it has been researched that countries with large populace have
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 populated air. To sum up,
although
 the feeling to live
Add a hyphen
disease-free
show examples
disease
Correct article usage
a disease
show examples
 free
life
 for
such
 a long period relish people
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
that can be the reason for the destruction of our ecosystem.
Furthermore
, if our environment got vanished there will be no place to survive. I am with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 statement.
Submitted by rs376635 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: