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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, it is illegal for employers to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

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Introduction
One
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 of the most controversial issues today relates to
people
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 hiring by age. In
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
essay
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easy
Add a comma
,easy
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 I am going to describe employers reason about some
time
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 hiring old
people
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 and
some
Replace the word
sometime
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time
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 don’t that,
also
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 I will provide my
vision
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 about that.
Body paragraph 1
On
one
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 the said of argument relates to
employer
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 reason,
Correct your spelling
someone
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some
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
one
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accept
Change the verb form
accepts
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 in the older
people
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job
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 whit him because he
is see
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sees
show examples
this
Linking Words
category
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 should work order in need the money and connect with
community
Add an article
the community
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.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 older
people
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 usually take
little
Add an article
a little
the little
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salary
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.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
Use synonyms
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
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more have jobs need worker take
little
Add an article
a little
the little
show examples
salary
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. So there
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
vision
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 should hiring older
people
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.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
 there another
vision
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 from
employer
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, some
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 didn’t agree
hiring
Change the verb form
to hire
show examples
 older
people
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 because
this
Linking Words
category
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 did not a good
job
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 so don’t give
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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good results.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 more
people
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 fill a sick, and when he is
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job
Add an article
a job
the job
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 on day sure will fill a tired, more than
a
Change the article
an
show examples
employer
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 think the best hiring young
people
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 and give high
salary
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 and get
a good results
Correct the article-noun agreement
good results
a good result
show examples
 than hiring
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 older
people
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 a little
salary
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 and get
a bad results
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad results
a bad result
show examples
. So there have
vision
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 should not hiring older
people
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.
Body paragraph 3
I see should hiring older
people
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 but must put some tips about that, because
their
Replace the word
there
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 have more think in the life, so must put
time
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 for
job
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 and specifically a
salary
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 opposite
ech
Correct your spelling
each
 hour and specific a rest
time
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 and
job
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 kind.
Conclusion
Lastly
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, their
category
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 agree
Change preposition
with hiring
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hiring
Change the verb form
to hire
show examples
people
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 about age,
also
Linking Words
 their other
category
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 don’t agree and
every
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
one
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 have reasons, but should take the controversial issues in the middle, so give the employers what is
need
Add an article
a need
the need
show examples
 and put tips for hiring about age.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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