IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, it is illegal for employers to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

#countries #employers #someone #job #age #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One
 of the most controversial issues today relates to
people
 hiring by age. In
this
Correct your spelling
essay
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easy
Add a comma
,easy
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 I am going to describe employers reason about some
time
 hiring old
people
 and
some
Replace the word
sometime
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time
 don’t that,
also
 I will provide my
vision
 about that. On
one
 the said of argument relates to
employer
 reason,
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
some
Correct your spelling
someone
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one
accept
Change the verb form
accepts
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 in the older
people
job
 whit him because he
is see
Change the verb form
sees
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this
category
 should work order in need the money and connect with
community
Add an article
the community
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.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 older
people
 usually take
little
Add an article
a little
the little
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salary
.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
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more have jobs need worker take
little
Add an article
a little
the little
show examples
salary
. So there
have
Change the verb form
has
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vision
 should hiring older
people
.
In addition
 there another
vision
 from
employer
, some
on
Correct your spelling
one
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 didn’t agree
hiring
Change the verb form
to hire
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 older
people
 because
this
category
 did not a good
job
 so don’t give
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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good results.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 more
people
 fill a sick, and when he is
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 on day sure will fill a tired, more than
a
Change the article
an
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employer
 think the best hiring young
people
 and give high
salary
 and get
a good results
Correct the article-noun agreement
good results
a good result
show examples
 than hiring
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 older
people
 a little
salary
 and get
a bad results
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad results
a bad result
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. So there have
vision
 should not hiring older
people
. I see should hiring older
people
 but must put some tips about that, because
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 have more think in the life, so must put
time
 for
job
 and specifically a
salary
 opposite
ech
Correct your spelling
each
 hour and specific a rest
time
 and
job
 kind.
Lastly
, their
category
 agree
Change preposition
with hiring
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hiring
Change the verb form
to hire
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people
 about age,
also
 their other
category
 don’t agree and
every
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
one
 have reasons, but should take the controversial issues in the middle, so give the employers what is
need
Add an article
a need
the need
show examples
 and put tips for hiring about age.
Submitted by yahyagamal2010 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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