Some people think competitions inside and outside of school is necessary for children to prepare for their future. Others think its bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

It is believed by some that competitiveness
tested
Verb problem
is tested
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in educational institutions and outside of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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is important for
children
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to secure a better future.
However
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,
others
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argue that
such
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an environment is not healthy for infants.
While
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contesting among
others
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can demotivate some
children
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, it is crucial for them to attain confidence
which
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, which
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is required for their
overall
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growth. In many cases
competing
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, competing
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with
others
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can lead to discouragement in some participants. Many
schools
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often conduct exams
and
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, and
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the students who are unable to score
decent
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decently
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among fellow peers are seen to be discouraged because of their performances, which surely is not a good sign.
For example
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, many students are seen dropping out of their
schools
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after achieving poor marks in some of their subjects. Not only in
schools
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, but
children
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also
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tend to get depressed if they are unable to perform well in the sport they are playing in their free time. Even so, competitions are an excellent way to boost confidence among
children
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. When any performance test is conducted in
schools
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, it encourages pupils to prepare themselves hard in order to outperform other students.
Thus
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, finishing at merit would increase the trust in winners
and
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, and
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they will focus on maintaining
this
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pace for a better and
safe
Correct word choice
safer
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future.
Also
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,
by
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apply
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playing even a simple game at home with siblings
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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sure that
adolscence
Correct your spelling
adolescents
play with full energy and have
a
Correct article usage
the
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will to beat
others
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and
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, and
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this
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motivates them.
For instance
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, many
Olympics
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Olympic
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players are believed to participate in all small or large activities during their teenage days, which has helped them to compete today with international players strongly and confidently. In conclusion,
although
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competitions can have negative impacts on
children
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when losing out to
others
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;
however
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, when considering a long-term plan, competing
among
Change preposition
with
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other competitors
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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important in making teenagers believe in themselves and preparing them for the coming days

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task response
The essay shows both sides but the main idea is not very clear. State your view clearly in one line at the start or end.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a clear order. Use four parts: intro, a paragraph for one view, a paragraph for the other view, and a short conclusion. Use linking words to show flow.
language
Use simple and clear grammar. Check spell and keep sentences short. Some words are misspelled or used wrongly.
task response
Give strong examples. If you make a point, add a small example that fits this point.
coherence
Sign post with clear topic sentence. Start each paragraph with a line that tells what you will say.
strength
The essay shows a fair attempt to discuss both sides of the issue.
strength
Link words help the flow of ideas in some parts.
strength
Examples like dropping out and Olympic runners add real life touch.
strength
Conclusion restates the idea and ends the essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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