IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. other say that is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
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Group
Use synonyms
 activities have been very limited these days and have been on the decline for few years since the internet had gained prominence.
Although
Linking Words
, few parents argue that, it is important for
childern
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children
 to be independent, it is necessary for the students in their schooling or in universities to take part in
group
Use synonyms
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 to get ready for the future career
opurtunities
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opportunities
. Activities
invloving
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involving
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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two or more
people
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 tend to help the participants personal development and
imporved
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improved
 their
disciplane
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discipline
 over time. Getting to interact with different scholars from various backgrounds while working on a project will help students gain working knowledge and social skills which contributes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal development.
Similarly
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, Finishing a
group
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 task will force
people
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in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 doing
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teamwork
show examples
team work
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teamwork
show examples
.
This
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 will push
slowest
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the slowest
show examples
 person working in the
group
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 to work harder to succeed as a
group
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,
As a result
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 of
this
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people
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 tend to become more
diciplaned
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disciplined
 in the future.
However
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, working alone has its own benefits which
helps
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help
show examples
 children to learn
quicker
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quickly
show examples
 and gain confidence. when someone is working alone
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a project, all aspects of every task will be under one
persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
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 control.
This
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 will force an individual to grasp all aspects of the project rather quickly compared to working in a
group
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.
on the other hand
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, students who are
ususally
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usually
 on their own
,
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apply
show examples
 will be able to run
throught
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through
throughout
 the numerous tasks quickly by
themsleves
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themselves
.
Therefore
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, more confident and
self sufficient
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self-sufficient
show examples
. Having looked at both views,
advantages
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the advantages
show examples
 of participating in organized
group
Use synonyms
 activities
outweight
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outweigh
 the importance of occupying themselves on their own. Children
thesedays
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these days
 are
lnclined
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inclined
 to
palying
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playing
 video games and
speding
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spending
 time online on different streaming services.
This
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 has contributed to many problems like social anxiety. Hopefully, parents will realize the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of working with other
people
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 and push children into more
group
Use synonyms
activites
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activities
.
Submitted by vemulapallis2 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
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