IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion?

#people #uncles #aunts #grandparents #children #parents
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The
enviorment
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environment
 of children's upbringing plays
crucial
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a crucial
show examples
 role in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 growth and development. Some analyst
believe
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believes
show examples
 that
kids
Use synonyms
 upbringing is better if , he/she grows with their whole family member rather than only
parents
Use synonyms
. I agree staunchly
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the aforementioned rubric due to some notable reasons. I would like to present my views by diving deeper into the topic. The young brain of
kids
Use synonyms
 develop
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age and they are better at learning , they
notices
Change the verb form
notice
show examples
 every and action ,
reaction
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the reaction
show examples
 among family members. The respect for elders and love for younger ones is easily
grassped
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grasped
 by
kids
Use synonyms
 through the family's behaviour. It is easily
illustarted
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illustrated
 that children living in
large
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a large
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 are more
cultures
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cultural
show examples
 and
valued
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value
show examples
 in comparison with living in
nuclear
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a nuclear
the nuclear
show examples
 family.
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,
parents
Use synonyms
 can focus on
theire
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their
 career growth and future prospects while helping
family
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the family
show examples
 financially.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, children never feel lonely as they have
Add an article
a companion
show examples
companion
Fix the agreement mistake
companions
show examples
 with their cousins. In
joint
Add an article
a joint
show examples
 family , the
kids
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 look after by all members. It does not remain
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of
single
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the single
a single
show examples
 person. Everyone
look
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looked
show examples
 after each other in sickness or in health.
This
Linking Words
 shared
responsbility
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responsibility
 make
easy
Correct pronoun usage
it easy
show examples
 to be borne rather than burdensome for only
parents
Use synonyms
.
Acoording
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According
 to
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
 , it was found that around 86%
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 are always tired who lives in
nuclear
Add an article
a nuclear
the nuclear
show examples
 family , whereas only 56%
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 are tired
living
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 in
joint
Add an article
a joint
show examples
 family. The above mentioned is clear indication , that to upbring child in
joint
Add an article
a joint
show examples
 family is
convienent
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convenient
 , as elders are there to guide the
parents
Use synonyms
. To
encaptulate
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encapsulate
, the forgoing
dicussion
Correct your spelling
discussion
 propounds the view
that
Linking Words
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 has both negatives and positives but I believe my views
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 shown
signficance
Correct your spelling
significance
significant
 to me.
Submitted by nehasinha3121 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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