Some people think it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion?

The
enviorment
Correct your spelling
environment
of children's upbringing plays
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
role in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
growth and development. Some analyst
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
that
kids
upbringing is better if , he/she grows with their whole family member rather than only
parents
. I agree staunchly
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the aforementioned rubric due to some notable reasons. I would like to present my views by diving deeper into the topic. The young brain of
kids
develop
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
early age and they are better at learning , they
notices
Change the verb form
notice
show examples
every and action ,
reaction
Add an article
the reaction
show examples
among family members. The respect for elders and love for younger ones is easily
grassped
Correct your spelling
grasped
by
kids
through the family's behaviour. It is easily
illustarted
Correct your spelling
illustrated
that children living in
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
are more
cultures
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
and
valued
Change the form of the verb
value
show examples
in comparison with living in
nuclear
Add an article
a nuclear
the nuclear
show examples
family.
Secondly
,
parents
can focus on
theire
Correct your spelling
their
career growth and future prospects while helping
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
financially.
Thirdly
, children never feel lonely as they have
Add an article
a companion
show examples
companion
Fix the agreement mistake
companions
show examples
with their cousins. In
joint
Add an article
a joint
show examples
family , the
kids
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
look after by all members. It does not remain
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
of
single
Add an article
the single
a single
show examples
person. Everyone
look
Change the form of the verb
looked
show examples
after each other in sickness or in health.
This
shared
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
make
easy
Correct pronoun usage
it easy
show examples
to be borne rather than burdensome for only
parents
.
Acoording
Correct your spelling
According
to
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
, it was found that around 86%
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
parents
are always tired who lives in
nuclear
Add an article
a nuclear
the nuclear
show examples
family , whereas only 56%
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
parents
are tired
living
Change preposition
of living
show examples
in
joint
Add an article
a joint
show examples
family. The above mentioned is clear indication , that to upbring child in
joint
Add an article
a joint
show examples
family is
convienent
Correct your spelling
convenient
, as elders are there to guide the
parents
. To
encaptulate
Correct your spelling
encapsulate
, the forgoing
dicussion
Correct your spelling
discussion
propounds the view
that
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
has both negatives and positives but I believe my views
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
shown
signficance
Correct your spelling
significance
significant
to me.
Submitted by nehasinha3121 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: