IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives, and now dominate our home, leisure and work activities. To what extent do you think the advantages of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #aspects #lives #home #leisure #work #activities
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People
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’s working, entertainment, and daily life are fulfilled and improved by many information technologies. Regarding
to
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apply
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domestic field, household intelligent electronic devices largely enhance
people
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’s safety. Those devices could be electronic
door
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doors
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 and windows, and these lock systems were made by particular technologies, which prevented strangers unlock doors and windows easily. The system could
benefits
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benefit
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individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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live
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life
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 standard,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 significantly reduces the rate of being rubbed. Not only the technology is safer, but it could
makes
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make
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 working more
efficiency
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efficient
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. Most
of
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apply
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Use synonyms
people
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the people
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 were relied on online communicating and meeting appliances to do the tasks,
that is
Linking Words
 because
,
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apply
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 those online tools would fasten their work efficiency. By using emails and online meetings appliances,
people
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 would no longer have to travel a long distance,
hence
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 cutting down huge amounts of time on transporting. These tools
allows
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allow
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people
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do
Fix the infinitive
to do
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 more tasks in limited
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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,
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apply
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 and allows them
have
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to have
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 more free
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 for family and friends. Despite those advantages, social media that
derived
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is derived
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 from information technology might
causes
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cause
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 physical health
problem
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problems
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, especially for teenagers. Young
people
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 spent plenty of
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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on
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apply
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scrolling Instagram and watching YouTube videos every day, most of them weren’t that useful. That would
induced
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induce
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 a major health issue - deteriorate body’s physical performance. Staring at
screen
Add an article
a screen
the screen
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 for a long time without moving will deactivate
body’s
Correct article usage
the body’s
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 muscles groups, in a long run, lack of exercise would reducing
body’s
Correct article usage
the body’s
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 physical performance,
for instance
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,
Correct article usage
the strengths
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strengths
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strength
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 and endurance of muscles.
Although
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 the inappropriate uses of social media could bring
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact on
people
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’s health, it would be solved by restricting
on
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apply
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daily screen
times
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 and setting regular exercise
times
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. To conclude, the advantages of information technology that brings to
people
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 are largely outweighed
it
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its
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 negative sides. The benefits can considerably
enhances
Change the verb form
enhance
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individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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 live
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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such
Linking Words
 as safety and working efficiency, and the physical issues can be prevented by proper methods.
Submitted by mandyya on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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