IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practise in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: •describe what the group does •explain why the group is good for the community •suggest alternative days and times for practice

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Dear Mr David, I am writing in regard to the use of the
community
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hall
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 at your
community
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 centre. I am a part of a seven-member musical band
,
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apply
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 called The Script, and we
practise
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 in your
community
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hall
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 at Ridgeway
Community
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 Centre every evening on Tuesdays and Fridays.
However
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, yesterday, we were notified that we are not permitted to use the
hall
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 anymore. Three members of the band sing,
while
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 four members play instruments like keyboard, guitar, flute and harp. Our band has been
practicing
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practising
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 in the
hall
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 for almost four years, and members of the
community
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 centre who have watched us
practise
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 have always loved our music. They have always given us positive feedback, stating that our music is very soothing and relaxing. Since our music makes people happy and helps them relax, I kindly request you to grant us permission to
practise
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 in the
community
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hall
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. I would suggest you permit us to
practise
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 on Monday and Wednesday, between 5 PM and 7 PM. I look forward to hearing
form
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from
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 you. Best regards, Krithi Santosh

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task response
Say more about why the hall use must stay. Add one clear reason about the group and the hall.
task response
You answer all parts, but the part about why the group is good for the community can be stronger and more clear.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is easy to follow, but you can link ideas with more clear words like also, so, and because.
coherence and cohesion
Each part is in a good place, but the last paragraph is a bit short. Add one more line to make the end more full.
task response
You cover all three bullet points in the task.
task response
Your tone is polite and right for a letter to a manager.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear and easy to read.
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