It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of growing older population than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think positive or negative development?

#proportion #population #people #countries #future #development

In the 21st century, the population is enormously increasing in which 600 billion

people

including it.

However

, there is a growing tendency of older

people

in different countries.In

this

essay, I strongly agree the

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

positive aspects of

growing

Correct article usage

the growing

show examples

older population with relevant

example

Fix the agreement mistake

examples

show examples

To begin

older

Correct article usage

the older

show examples

generation brings many positive changes in the development of society.

Firstly

, they have an excellent experience in their profession because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

knowledge

can share with younger

people

In addition

, many companies

CEO

Fix the agreement mistake

CEOs

show examples

and

assistanct

Correct your spelling

assistant

assistance

mangers

Correct your spelling

managers

show examples

are aged compare to the general

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

due to their experience.

Secondly

, they have deep

knowledge

life

lessons which will help younger

people

to restart their

life

Thirdly

, their

knowledge

life

promotes good ability in

decetion

Correct your spelling

decision

deception

making and administrative process. To illustrate

this

American

Correct article usage

the American

show examples

psychological association conducted a survey in 2015 among citizens of different countries for understanding their political behaviour. Admittedly, 75% supported old

age

people

intervention in administration. Apparently, in science and research studies aged

people

makes

Change the verb form

make

show examples

many contributions because

Correct your spelling

these

show examples

theses

Correct your spelling

these

show examples

people

devoted their many years of

life

to discover scientific theories.

Hence

, it is a good choice for new students to learn about the ideas of their subjects. Reportedly, their

knowledge

contribute

Change the verb form

contributes

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

teaching

Correct article usage

the teaching

show examples

sector and

also

motivate research studies among

people

For example

, UGC (University Grand Commission) introduce a new law in 2015

specified

Correct pronoun usage

that specified

show examples

that a professor even after his retirement he can guide research scholars

Change preposition

show examples

Add a hyphen

university-level

show examples

university

Correct article usage

the university

show examples

level because the authority

identify

Change the verb form

identifies

show examples

the value of old

people

. So old

age

people

promotes

Change the verb form

promote

show examples

positive development in our society. In conclusion, there is a saying ' a sound body can make a sound mind' similar ability is the most important factor rather than a

person'

Correct your spelling

person

show examples

age

However

, I believe that

age

is just a number that even

older

Correct article usage

the older

show examples

generation can bring changes in our society.

Submitted by sooryag03 on Sun Aug 08 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

303 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of growing older population than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think positive or negative development?

IT IS BETTER FOR CHILDREN TO BEGIN LEARNING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE AT PRIMARY SCHOOL RATHER THAN SECONDARY SCHOOL

New technologies have changed the way children do in their free time. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

There is no need to attend a live performance (a play or concert) because seeing it at home on television is better. To what extent to you agree or disagree ?

one of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages?