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Band 5.5

It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of growing older population than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think positive or negative development?

#proportion #population #people #countries #future #development
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In the 21st century, the population is enormously increasing in which 600 billion
people
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 including it.
However
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, there is a growing tendency of older
people
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 in different countries.In
this
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 essay, I strongly agree the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
positive aspects of
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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 older population with relevant
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
.
To begin
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,
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 generation brings many positive changes in the development of society.
Firstly
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, they have an excellent experience in their profession because
of
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apply
show examples
this
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knowledge
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 can share with younger
people
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.
In addition
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, many companies
CEO
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CEOs
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 and
assistanct
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assistant
assistance
mangers
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managers
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 are aged compare to the general
staffs
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staff
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 due to their experience.
Secondly
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, they have deep
knowledge
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 in
life
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 lessons which will help younger
people
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 to restart their
life
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.
Thirdly
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, their
knowledge
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 in
life
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 promotes good ability in
decetion
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decision
deception
 making and administrative process. To illustrate
this
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,
American
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the American
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 psychological association conducted a survey in 2015 among citizens of different countries for understanding their political behaviour. Admittedly, 75% supported old
age
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people
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 intervention in administration. Apparently, in science and research studies aged
people
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makes
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make
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 many contributions because
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these
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theses
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these
show examples
people
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 devoted their many years of
life
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 to discover scientific theories.
Hence
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, it is a good choice for new students to learn about the ideas of their subjects. Reportedly, their
knowledge
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contribute
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contributes
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in
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to
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teaching
Correct article usage
the teaching
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 sector and
also
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 motivate research studies among
people
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.
For example
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, UGC (University Grand Commission) introduce a new law in 2015
specified
Correct pronoun usage
that specified
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 that a professor even after his retirement he can guide research scholars
in
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at
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Add a hyphen
university-level
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university
Correct article usage
the university
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 level because the authority
identify
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identifies
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 the value of old
people
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. So old
age
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people
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promotes
Change the verb form
promote
show examples
 positive development in our society. In conclusion, there is a saying ' a sound body can make a sound mind' similar ability is the most important factor rather than a
person'
Correct your spelling
person
show examples
 s
age
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.
However
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, I believe that
age
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 is just a number that even
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation can bring changes in our society.
Submitted by sooryag03 on

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