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Band 4.5

As well as making money, business have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

#money #business #responsibilities
Business
 can play a vital role in modern
society
. Apart from the high profit, I agree that
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
Change the verb form
has
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have
Add the particle
tohave
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 bear
a heavy social responsibilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
heavy social responsibilities
a heavy social responsibility
show examples
.
Business
Fix the agreement mistake
Businesses
show examples
 provide working opportunities for unemployed
people
 with wisdom and creativity. It can partly solve the problem of
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 unemployment rate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
, and alleviate the stress and
anxious
Replace the word
anxiety
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 of citizens. Meanwhile, It
business
 provide a chance for
people
 from less well-off background to get rid of poverty.
Business
Fix the agreement mistake
Businesses
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 require
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 restrictions
of
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on
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 education
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 and family support, as long as
people
 have amazing ideas and the character of hard-working.
From
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In
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 the long run,
Business
 is helpful to close the wealth
devide
Correct your spelling
divide
 between the rich and the poor in a
society
. The growing
business
 can supply household products to
people
 who live in rural and remote
areas
, which means
business
Add an article
the business
a business
show examples
 can help
people
 improve their living conditions.
For example
, some
areas
 are lack
of
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apply
show examples
foods
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food
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 or water because of
the
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apply
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extrem
Correct your spelling
extreme
 weather condition and unhealthy soil. At that time,
people
 could buy products transported from other
areas
 to meet their basic
need
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needs
show examples
.
Business
Fix the agreement mistake
Businesses
show examples
 strengthen the economic tie between different
areas
 and promote the economic development of the whole
society
.
Business
 is responsible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the environment. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 activities rely on
the
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apply
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transportation.
However
, the emissions of cars and planes that contain carbon dioxide are harmful to the air. It may
also
 cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming and many other environmental problems. As a consequence,
business
 is ought to take care of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and bear
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social responsibility. A more environment-friendly method of transport should be taken.
Moreover
, there are more green products have been produced
such
 as recycled
bottle
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bottles
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 and
clean energy
Add a hyphen
clean-energy
show examples
 cars. In conclusion, I agree that with exception of making money,
business
 is responsible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Business
Fix the agreement mistake
Businesses
show examples
 devote to reducing the unemployment rate, providing financial support to rural
areas
 and protecting the environment.
Submitted by 1404654525 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibilities
  • contribute
  • well-being
  • community
  • philanthropy
  • sustainability
  • ethical
  • trust
  • reputation
  • accountable
  • profit-making
  • balance
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