IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some feel governments, rather than private companies, should be in charge of medical services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#feel #governments #companies #charge #services
Several perceive that
government
 should run medical
services
 in place of private companies.
Firstly
, the
government
 has enough human resources to facilitate medical
services
 so that they can be felt deep inside the rural areas
such
 that no individual will be unable to seek health care due to either inadequate facilities or medical personnel. For, example in South Africa 80% of medical
services
 are run by the
government
hence
 facilities are all well equipped with what is required to run to the maximum.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 it is imperative that the
government
 is in a position to train the medical
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
such
 that they are well updated with
knowledge
Add an article
the knowledge
show examples
 to be able
managed
Change the verb form
to manage
show examples
 cases.
Therefore
, it is prudent that the
government
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
got enough resources to run medical
services
 so that the society can be healthy.
Secondly
,
private
Add an article
the private
show examples
firm
Fix the agreement mistake
firms
show examples
 are indispensable,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they can be high-priced to run the medical
services
such
 that the community will not be able to seek
services
 wherever they need them. For, example research that was done by
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 of Nairobi in 2019 on medical
services
 that are run by private firms performs poorly comparing with countries run by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. In, addition the quality of
services
 will be substandard since the firm might not be able to meet the standard due to insufficient
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
hence
 badly off
services
 in the society. In conclusion, facilities run by the
government
 serve the community well as every person is in a position to seek
services
 without interruption.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human right
  • equitable access
  • government-run healthcare
  • economies of scale
  • negotiate
  • healthcare costs
  • profit motives
  • compromised healthcare
  • health inequities
  • accountable
  • public health objectives
  • reinvest
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: