IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Most large companies nowadays operate multinationally. To what extent multinational companies have responsibility toward local communities in which they operate?

It is true that, in the era of globalisation, many big corporations operate outside the borders of the country.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that
companies
Use synonyms
 should maximise their profits, they must not be at the expense of the welfare of local communities where firms are based. From a social perspective, there are some reasons why
companies
Use synonyms
 should have public responsibilities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these enterprises should provide job opportunities for local people and ensure that workers and their families have adequate salaries and access to health care. The horrors of the industrial revolution must be avoided - child labour, starvation wages and poor working conditions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 interest of
companies
Use synonyms
, as skilled workers are more productive and alert about working conditions. An educated and skilled workforce
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more flexible, since they can switch from one task to another quickly. From an environmental perspective, factory production has resulted in some serious environmental problems. The first reason is that the irresponsible disposal of chemical waste into rivers and oil extractions
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 polluted water resources on which local communities are dependent to survive.
In addition
Linking Words
, oil spills devastate the fishing industry in some areas.
Thus
Linking Words
, multinational firms should allocate resources to install waste treatment systems to solve
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
 before discharging
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 into the sea. Another reason is that
unstainable
Use the right word
unsustainable
show examples
 logging of timber for construction has resulted in the shortage of
woods
Fix the agreement mistake
wood
show examples
 for buildings in the future and resultant soil
erosions
Fix the agreement mistake
erosion
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
companies
Use synonyms
 should give more jobs to local people and contribute to improving the quality of life in areas where they operate. In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
 earning profits is the most fundamental principle,
companies
Use synonyms
 have a moral duty and interest in having social responsibilities.

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task response
Make your view very clear at the start and end. Say how much you think firms should be responsible.
task response
Give one or two very clear examples from real life to back your idea, and fix spelling mistakes.
coherence cohesion
In the body, start each paragraph with a clear line that tells what it will talk about. Use simple linking words to show how ideas go to each other.
coherence cohesion
Keep sentences short. Break long lines. Check small mistakes like 'unstainable' and 'waste'.
development
The essay shows a good view that firms have a duty to people and to the land.
organisation
There is a clear flow from social matters to environmental issues and then to action.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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