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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should follow their parents’ advice, however, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #parents’ #advice
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There are some
people
 who agree with the opinion which says the parent’s
advice
 has to
be follows
Change the verb form
be followed
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 by children and the other
refuse
Change the verb form
refuses
show examples
 it. While there may some advantages via giving
advice
 by elder generation, it seems to me, children must have their own
way
 to live. On the one hand, the advocates of elder generations’ protreptic
believes
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believe
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 that the mother and fathers recognize right from wrong more. A case in point is that they know how to spend their money in
beneficial
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a beneficial
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way
 or invest
the
Change preposition
in the
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 fund much more than young
people
.
Furthermore
, the parents are more experienced in a
way
 that they have had several years more than the youth to test variable situations in their life. Some of these experiments helped them to rise in their job or life and some fell them into
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
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.
On the other hand
, following the sheer parents’
advice
 have its disadvantages
such
 as the fact that it destroys youth’s self-confidence and
lead
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leads
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 them to become independent
people
 when they grow up.
For instance
, once they want to marry and establish their dependent life from their immediate family, they will have many headaches to tell their opinion or even their needs to their spouse.
Moreover
, follow only
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parental guidance without any risks, is likely to demolish the children’s innovation. The worst effect of
this
 point
,
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apply
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 is the fear
from
Change preposition
of
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 doing anything unexperienced,
therefore
 there will be no improvement in the career,
for example
. From my point of view, while parents’
advice
 may
depicts
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depict
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 a certain
way
 to the children as it had been experienced before,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of guidance cannot make better
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Each person should have his or her own
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 by acting in one’s own
way
 to be happy starting from their childhood. The world is expanding via new events and facilities which our ancestors did not face
to
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. We need more confident and dependent folk with innovative ideas to match with new technologies and make the world to be a better place
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
live
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life
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. In conclusion, following in the
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 footsteps may possess its advantages and disadvantages which to me the negative points are much more.
Submitted by aabdollahpour on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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