IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic Television injects violence in children, and programs with violent scenes should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #topic #television #violence #children #programs #scenes
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The
majority
Use synonyms
 of people believes that the
voilent
Correct your spelling
violent
content
Use synonyms
 in
TV
Use synonyms
 shows is the primary reason for aggression in school children. To some
extent
Add a comma
,extent
show examples
 I believe
such
Linking Words
content
Use synonyms
 should be banned from a program broadcasted for
young
Add an article
a young
the young
show examples
 audience. In the following, paragraph I will explain the reason for my notion.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
TV
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 shows with a
brutual
Correct your spelling
brutal
content
Use synonyms
 should be banned for the youth, as they increase the aggressiveness among the school children.
Secondly
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, horror and action movies with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fighting
content
Use synonyms
 always
provokes
Change the verb form
provoke
show examples
 the young
audiance
Correct your spelling
audience
 to perform the stunt.
For instance
Linking Words
, due to the Wrestling World Cup youngsters has viewed the action shows,
hence
Linking Words
 they ended up imitating the same in the residential society;
therefore
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,the
majority
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 of them suffered
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fractures on their hands.
On the other hand
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, the same
tv
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 shows are viewed by a
majority
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 of
kids
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 but all are not aggressive in nature;
thus
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,
TV
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 shows are not the major factor of violence among the
kids
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, children with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive attitude are not impacted
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
 they understand the impact of
content
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 in shows and don't try to copy the action scenes.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, youth were violent even before the
TV
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 was invented. According to the studies, one of the major
source
Change to a plural noun
sources
show examples
 of violence is illiteracy, as the
majority
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 of junivile in the US prison are illiterate. In conclusion, it is clear from the above examples that illiteracy is the key factor for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence among
kids
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, while banning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cruel
content
Use synonyms
 on a
TV
Use synonyms
 channel , the government should take initiative to promote education among
kids
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rahulbhajji on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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