IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are now moving away from an agricultural background to cities for work. What will be the consequences of this? What solution you can offer?

#people #background #cities #work #consequences #offer
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Nowadays, most of the
people
Use synonyms
 moving towards the city pursuing
for
Remove the preposition
apply
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better jobs. Though they are
prefering
Correct your spelling
preferring
 urban and industrial jobs and giving more weight
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 sector, it should
also
Linking Words
 need to keep it in concern that agriculture is the essential
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
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 for providing
food
Use synonyms
 supports. In the given essay, I'll debate on the consequences and try to put
a solutions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a solution
solutions
show examples
. To commence with, it is quite visible that many
people
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 are moving towards the cities searching for a better job. Industrial jobs
means
Change the verb form
mean
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 more income.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will face
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
food
Use synonyms
 productions which is
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the important fields in our economy. It will affect the cost of the
foods
Use synonyms
 and
price
Correct article usage
the price
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 will turn higher than before.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the
production
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 of rice
decline
Fix the agreement mistake
declines
show examples
, it will create a great impact in countries like Bangladesh because rice is one of the main
foods
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. It will affect the
food
Use synonyms
 sector and
people
Use synonyms
 need to buy
foods
Use synonyms
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Change the preposition
at
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 extreme
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is possible to overcome
Linking Words
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
 with the proper help of the government and
food
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 organizations. Farmers are not getting enough wages to support their families. Because
food
Use synonyms
 is one of the great
ecomic
Correct your spelling
economic
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
show examples
, we should motivate the farmers for more
food
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 and provide them
enough
Change preposition
with enough
show examples
 supports. Even we can use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technology for fulfilling the demand. More
production
Use synonyms
 will help farmers to get more wages and other benefits. To conclude, Though industries are playing important roles
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
we should
also
Linking Words
 improve the agriculture sector because
foods
Use synonyms
 are essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
livings. Everything
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be in a balance for prospering of a country.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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