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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportion of people's spending on different commodities and services in a particular European country in 1958 and in 2008.

The charts below show the proportion of people's spending on different commodities and services in a particular European country in 1958 and in 2008.
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The given pie charts compare the expenditure of European citizens on five different goods over a two-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that housed appliances, luxurious products, and food occupied an upward trend.
However
Linking Words
, an opposite trend is observed in clothes and transportation, which experienced a decline in consumed numbers. Interestingly, the percentage of clothing is comparable to those of housing in different years
upon
Change preposition
apply
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. Focusing on, housing, lavish, and clothing consumption, the figure in clothing was one-tenth higher than housing expended (22%) in 1958.
However
Linking Words
, the housing expended overtook those of clothing, which dramatically dropped to 12%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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luxurious products significantly grew from 7% to 17% in 2008. Turning to the remaining amenities, in 2009, the figures for entertainment, food,
transported
Correct word choice
and transported
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 goods were 18%, 8% ,
13
Correct word choice
and 13
show examples
%, respectively.
While
Linking Words
 the proportion of food paid witnessed an increasing trend, there was a substantial lessening of others. To be more precise, the
Correct quantifier usage
number of food’s
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food’s
Change noun form
food
show examples
 number rose
9
Change preposition
from 9
show examples
% to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
17%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the 2%,
7
Correct word choice
and 7
show examples
% of travelling and entertaining products dropped respectively in 2008.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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