Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is argued,

Correct word choice

that

show examples

as the technology and internet developed rapidly technology devices

such

Linking Words

as smartphones and computers are becoming more universal and can easily provide a lot of entertainment like games and

movies

Use synonyms

are providing benefits to the user. In my opinion,

this

Linking Words

development has more drawbacks than advantages. There are several reasons to support my point of view. First of all, it can cause users physical issues

such

Linking Words

as back pain, dry eyes and

headache

Fix the agreement mistake

headaches

show examples

because people use them to watch videos constantly.

For example

Linking Words

, there are a great number of

report

Fix the agreement mistake

reports

show examples

to show

Change the verb form

showing

show examples

that people use their smartphones

watching

Change the verb form

to watch

show examples

videos frequently

thus

Linking Words

lead

Wrong verb form

leading

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

to have dry eyes or even

worst

Correct word choice

worse

show examples

consequences.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it can be an extremely harmful activity for young people, because it not only just

cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

show examples

physical issues

Linking Words

also

Correct word choice

but also

show examples

can lead children to have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mental

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

if they overuse those kinds of devices.

For instance

Linking Words

, in many countries,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

parents and the government are suffering

Change preposition

with

show examples

how to fix the problems of a young generation addicted to computer online games and

also

Linking Words

the children

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

show examples

leave

the

Change the word

their

show examples

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it brings extra entertainment and convenience to our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and easy to kill time by playing games or watching

movies

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, you could easily access a game and play it on your smartphone

while

Linking Words

you are waiting for your friend.

In addition

Linking Words

, it is more convenient compared to the old days

Rephrase

when we

show examples

have

Wrong verb form

had

show examples

to enter the cinema to

watching

Wrong verb form

watch

show examples

movies

Use synonyms

because we could watch

movies

Use synonyms

on our technology devices whenever we

want

Wrong verb form

wanted

show examples

. In conclusion,

this

Linking Words

development might

brings

Change the verb form

bring

show examples

convenience to our daily life.

However

Linking Words

, we can not ignore the harmful effects

such

Linking Words

as physical and mental problems

that bring

Wrong verb form

brought

show examples

this

Linking Words

development

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

Therefore

Linking Words

, I believe that its' drawbacks are outweighed the advantages.

fankie.cecilFri Aug 13 2021

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coherence and cohesion

Enhance the clarity of your arguments by using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will help the reader understand the main point of each paragraph more easily.

task achievement

Consider expanding on your examples to provide more depth. Instead of stating that there are reports, summarize one or include a statistic to give weight to your argument.

task achievement

In your conclusion, instead of stating that the disadvantages 'outweigh the advantages', you might want to clarify why they do so, providing a brief summary of the key points you've made.

task achievement

Your essay has a clear stance that is well-argued, showing your opinion from the outset.

coherence and cohesion

You've structured your essay with separate paragraphs for separate ideas, which aids in readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

304 words

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Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some people think that students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend on important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that children should be home schooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Discuss both sides and give your opinions.

In the past most working people had only one job, however nowadays more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?