IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotion In a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#events #football #world #cup #occasions #tensions #emotion
I think the events
such
 as World Cup,
olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
show examples
 can help in bringing solace in international relationships but the opinion would differ from person to person. These
games
 are held worldwide with great support and expectations. While the popular
games
 can contribute to world peace by bringing the
countries
 together but if we try to look deeply these
countries
 are actually competing with each other which can be one of the factors for hatred amongst nations.
For example
, A cricket match between India and Pakistan are always big
matches
Fix the agreement mistake
match
show examples
 in
two
countries
where
Replace the word
were
show examples
 full of tensions overflow. In the worst
Correct your spelling
sedentary
sedentair
Add a comma
,sedentair
show examples
 the troubles caused by
Replace the word
losing
show examples
loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
show examples
games
 affect the players directly. These
two
 rival
countries
 have their patriotic emotions explode in an aggressive way. There are some occasions when these
games
 have brought down the tensions between
two
 rival nations.
For instance
, in 2008 turkey and Armenia teams were geared up to play a World Cup and the Turkish president accepted.Armenia
loosend
Correct your spelling
loosened
loosen
 visa restrictions so that Turkish fans could join the game. The match opened new diplomatic channels between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
countries
. In conclusion, though international sporting occasions can be one of the good ways to ease tensions;
however
, I believe that
games
 cannot be fundamental ways for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peaceful international relationships.
Submitted by TasneemAmirjan  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: