IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? These days, children spend more time on doing homework or participating in organized activities related to school or sports. However, they should be given more time to do whatever they want.

#children #time #homework #activities #school #sports
Firstly
, some of the advertising is not suitable for children,because they always use things that can not achieve or are hard to do to attract you.[M1] So what if
this
 kind of advertising is directed toward those young boys and girls,
then
 they might think:”Wow! That’s amazing.” And
then
 they will try to do what they’ve seen in the advertising. No one can predict what will happen after they do
this
.
Secondly
, essential all of the advertising is guided , why do those companies want to pay so much money for the advertising? Because the advertising can make us their products have a good
first
 impression. Even some of the adults will believe the word , how can a three years old
child
 realizes whether it is true or not. Just imagine that if the superstar whom your
child
 loves very many appears in the advertising and he tells your
child
 that these shoes are pretty good, what will happen? But as we all know, there are still some of the advertising is good for the children. Like some public welfare advertising, can lead your
child
 the correct way to go. But
this
 kind of advertising is not very much, so other kinds of advertising still influent your
child
.
Submitted by 1339232976 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: