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Band 4

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. To what extend do you agree ?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
Prisoners
 have always had a bad reputation
by
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in
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society
. They are deemed to be failures and should be punished for their mistakes by being locked up in cells and
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
 from
community
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the community
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. I do not agree with
this
 notion as I view that doing unpaid
community
work
 has more advantages for the
prisoners
 and the
prison
 system than punishment.
Firstly
, the
work
 that the
prisoners
 do will help them to rehabilitate into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. Convicts that are locked up are prone to become isolated and disassociated from the rest of the world.
This
 causes them to be used to
the
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apply
show examples
prison
 life and will struggle to fit back into normal everyday life once their sentence is over. More worryingly, these
prisoners
 would
then
 commit
further
 crimes
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
show examples
as a result
 to get back into
prison
.
In contrast
, unpaid
work
 would bring them closer to the
community
. Once released, they will already be adapted to the social norms of the surrounding
society
 and will rejoin the
community
 to start over a new life.
In addition
, unpaid
work
 fixes the bad reputation that these
prisoners
 have. The stigma faced by the
prisoners
 could be
Correct your spelling
overcome
overcomed
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overcome
show examples
 when people see them contributing back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. The idea that
prisoners
 get to live their whole duration of
sentence
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a sentence
the sentence
show examples
 with shelter and food paid for while locked up and not doing any
work
 does not sit well in the minds of others.
Furthermore
, when
society
 sees that the
prison
 system benefits the
society
, it helps prisons with funding for more rehabilitation programmes so that they do not have to face the lack of funding and overcrowding issues they do now.
As
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In
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conclusion
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a conclusion
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, I
Correct your spelling
wholeheartedly
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whole heartedly
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wholeheartedly
show examples
 believe that
prisoners
 should be doing unpaid
community
work
instead
 of being locked up in their cells. I hope to see governments changing their
prison
 systems for the benefit of both the
prisoners
 and
society
 as a whole.
Submitted by poryamo on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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