IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #child
Nowadays, most parents try their best to buy any kind of
toys
Fix the agreement mistake
toy
show examples
 for their
children
 in order to make them happy.
Nevertheless
, endless purchases of
toys
 have not only positive
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
kids
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 some negative.
This
 essay will show which advantages and disadvantages exist when
kids
 have a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
toys
.
To begin
 with, there is
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
incredible
Add an article
an incredible
the incredible
show examples
 variety of goods for
children
 in our modern world. Fortunately, a multiple choice of latest
toys
 lets
children
 learn and get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new knowledge while they play.
For example
,
such
toys
 as
Add an article
a bicycle
the bicycle
show examples
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
, roller skates or scooters help
kids
 develop physically.
Then
puzzle
Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
show examples
, blocks or lego have a positive impact on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 cognitive thinking of
children
.
Additionally
, there are lots of
toys
 that make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 process of learning letters, numbers and things like that easier and funnier.
Moreover
,
children
 who have many
toys
 are able to share with others and make
friendship
Replace the word
friends
show examples
 through roles and games. In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
show examples
, a large number of
toys
 helps little ones use their fantasy and creativity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they play with friends.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a bid amount of
toys
 has many advantages, there are some disadvantages that families should be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
.
Firstly
, it is difficult to focus on one or two
toys
 when there are so many of them in front of a child.
Then
, perhaps it will lead to problems with concentration and attention when
children
 grow up.
Secondly
,
kids
 who get used to playing with different
toys
 every day can lose a special contact or friendship with their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
toys
 and will not have a sentimental memory in adulthood. In conclusion, in my opinion,
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 are capable to make
kids
 childhood more joyful and happier thanks to
toys
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 it is more important
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 enough love and attention from their parents at the same time.
Submitted by kurish.ernest on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: