IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, an increase in crime has be blamed on violent images on television and in computer games. To what extend do you agree

#countries #crime #images #television #computer #games
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In the
last
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 decade or so, we have seen an alarming rise in crimes throughout different nations. A lot of people believe that aggressive computer
games
Use synonyms
 and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 shows contribute to an increase in rates of crimes., I strongly support
this
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 viewpoint as, it causes behavioural and psychological changes in many people, mostly youngsters. Video
games
Use synonyms
 play an important role in increasing violent behaviours. A victim of these
games
Use synonyms
 are usually young children, who spend their
out of school
Add a hyphen
out-of-school
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 time on
this
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 which in turn has a negative impact on their behaviour.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 a survey conducted in the Maldives in 2019, after the release of
call
Capitalize word
Call
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 of
duty
Capitalize word
Duty
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 shows that there has been an increasing number of bullying and aggressive
behaviour
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviours
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 at school in the past few years..surely because they copy what they see on television which contributes to these changes.
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Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 the new trend in television series,
violent
Correct article usage
the violent
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 crime genre has
also
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 caused mental and psychological changes in adults as well. A lot of t images are shared on social media and many folk are desensitised
due to
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this
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.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 it’s reported that after the introduction of
television
Correct article usage
the television
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 series
money heist
Correct your spelling
Money Heist
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, there has been an increased number of reported break-ins. To summarise , above mentioned are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 examples of negative impacts on the population
due to
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 violent images and
games
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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 in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 since many
such
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 programmes and
games
Use synonyms
 are made to profit the respected companies and corporations, it comes with a cost,
that is
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 the cost of mental health of the community.
Submitted by f.lamiea on

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Task Response
Ensure to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement in the prompt. Make your stance clear throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Work on linking your ideas within paragraphs to improve cohesion further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion
Topic Vocabulary:
  • correlation
  • aggressive behavior
  • desensitization
  • copycat effect
  • media literacy
  • violent imagery
  • scapegoat
  • media consumption
  • psychological impact
  • content rating
  • parental supervision
  • media influence
  • computer games
  • behavioral studies
  • socio-economic factors
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