IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Topic 21: It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

#topic #children #countryside #city
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Some people think
children
 should grow up in the
countryside
 because
children
 can enjoy a memorable childhood in the
countryside
 that
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
city
 cannot provide.
However
, I prefer to choose
children
 should grow up in a big
city
. A big
city
 will take
children
 too many important things , rather than
children
 just have fun in the
countryside
.
First
 of all , I think the best important point is education. As well known, if a child
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to get a good
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 resource,it is very important to take education in a big
city
. Big cities always have
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 teachers , various famous schools for
children
 to choose
and
Change preposition
from and
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 study
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Secondly
,
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 may not only haven't enough
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hospitals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
 there's
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of doctors are lower than
city's
Change the noun form
cities
city
show examples
. Obviously , many
children
 get sickness always be taken to
city
's hospital due to country's
hosptial
Correct your spelling
hospital
 can't handle it. In fact , some people will disagree with my opinion because they think
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 serious commission is having a good time in their childhood rather than study hard. To be honesty, modern family's
children
 always follow high
competitive
Replace the word
competition
show examples
 after they
borned
Correct your spelling
burned
. If you never impose
your
Change preposition
on your
show examples
children
 some pressure,your child may become the only
one
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
loser in a remarkable group of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lots of
children
. To conclude,
children
 who grow up in the
city
 will definitely be accompanied by a lot of drawbacks.
However
 , they can gain
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 important resource that
countryside
 don't have. If you want to you
children
 can get more opportunity to become a successful person,
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
city
 is the Irreplaceable choice.
Submitted by fox04157 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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