IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

shopping is dangerous because it makes people selfish, and careless with money. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
Linking Words
 globalisation era, shopping is
one
Use synonyms
 of the popular leisure activities. A lion share of society believes that
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming more selfish and careless with cash due to shopping. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and give my explanation in upcoming paragraphs before forming an opinion. With regards to, shopping is kind of relaxing therapy for
major
Add an article
a major
the major
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 part of society, but if someone is doing it in excess it has dangerous effects on our physical and emotional aspects of
life
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. There should be limits to everything.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will lead to self-centeredness in
people
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 as if they are more into it.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India, data of 2010 clearly represents that 65% of
people
Use synonyms
 are wasting their major amount of
money
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 on buying things just to feel pleasure in their
life
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. Customers are even going into depression and mental stress after wasting whole cash in shopping.
However
Linking Words
, buying useful products just for the sake of your happiness will even disturb
people
Use synonyms
 physically and tight their pockets.
One
Use synonyms
 should need to keep savings for any mishappening and other bad circumstances in
life
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is important to be very
discipline
Correct your spelling
disciplined
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 and managed
with
Change preposition
apply
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your
money
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 so that
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 should invest it more mannerly.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey from
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, In 2018 shows that 60% of citizens did not
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 savings or
money
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 for health services as they wasted all amount on buying mobile phones and branded clothes.
One
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 must have a major share of
money
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 for their health and other important services. To recapitulate, shopping is
one
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 of the stress buster and pleasure activity but masses need to know their limits and they should know the importance of
money
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial safety net
  • financial hardships
  • emergency fund
  • budgeting
  • financial responsibility
  • future goals
  • higher education
  • financial independence
  • economic fluctuations
  • inflation
  • financial security
  • credit reliance
  • flexibility in career choices
  • entrepreneurship
  • changing economic conditions
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