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Band 5.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, the increasing rate of overweight among children and adults is
worldwide
Add an article
a worldwide
show examples
health
 issue. Most of the working
people
 are finding
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
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 to allot some
time
 or don't have
time
 at all for any physical activities due to which they are facing many
health
 issues.
This
 essay would discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
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why IT working
people
 cannot indulge themselves in any
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 and what measures have to be taken to halt
this
problem
.
People
 have no
time
 for physical activities because of
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 lifestyle they
chooose
Correct your spelling
choose
. Most of the IT jobs require
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 working on a laptop or computer and
typical
Correct article usage
the typical
show examples
 working hours of any IT job is 8
hour
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hours
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. But
people
 always tend to stress and do overtime to meet deadlines. After spending
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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many hours working on
laptop
Correct article usage
a laptop
show examples
, most of the
people
 return home to just relax and have no stamina to hit
gym
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the gym
show examples
.
For example
,
people
 in India tend to
work
 more to complete the
work
 sooner and
then
 spend
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the
time
 relaxing with family. Thanks to our
advance
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advanced
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 technologies which are making life easier but
also
 reducing more
phsycial
Correct your spelling
physical
 efforts in washing clothes or dishes ourselves. Due to these factors
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 is hardly being motivated or busy fulfilling their personal and
professionl
Correct your spelling
professional
 commitments to ever think about personal fitness. There are many ways to handle the
problem
such
 as IT employees should avoid working overtime even if
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 is paying you double and try to be more organized. Invest in hiring
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
 trainer on
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
 days of exercising who can keep you motivated. If you don't find
time
 in
evening
Add an article
the evening
show examples
 for physical activities aim for early mornings and
this
 can be more beneficial for your
health
.
Lastly
, companies should
also
 encourage employees in maintaining physical fitness.
For example
, building indoor gyms in
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
show examples
.
Hence
 one should find ways to be motivated for exercising and have
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of
health
 issues. Lack of
physcial
Correct your spelling
physical
 activity can lead to serious
health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and it is important to solve
this
problem
.
This
 essay has discussed
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what are the reasons for not
excercising
Correct your spelling
exercising
 and how it can be prevented to maintain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good
health
. By end of the
day
Add a comma
,day
show examples
 it is every individual's duty to find
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 balance between their
work
 life and personal life to succeed.
Submitted by psindhu907 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
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