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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many people believe that it is necessary to include into the education program at primary level
school
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subjects
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such
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 as music, art and drama.
This
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 essay agrees with the opinion of the importance of teaching
children
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 about these
subjects
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. Implementing those lessons could develop
children
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's creativity which provokes
brain
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activity
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 and helps them to open their talents,
as well as
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 variety of
subjects
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 at the start of schooling would help
children
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 to keep interest in studying. Usually, parents underestimate the importance of teaching creative lessons at
school
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 as it is a great source of opportunities to boost
children
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's
brain
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activity
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. Pupils in primary
school
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 still do not always understand the reasons why they need to remember math formulas, grammatical rules of unfamiliar word structures, or foreign countries' location on a globe. Art and drama
classes
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 are the best opportunity to open other talents which
also
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 allow them to use their imagination at maximum during the
classes
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 which is similar to when they use it playing games.
For example
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, many types of research demonstrate how it increases
brain
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activity
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 in people who play instruments or paint and how it prolongs their lives.
On the other hand
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, having creative
classes
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 in a young student's curriculum would be helpful to decrease academic pressure on them. A variety of lessons prevents becoming bored and overwhelmed by a
school
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 routine. It helps to build a more balanced schedule and diversify all
school
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 disciplines more evenly.
For instance
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, getting a math class twice a day three days in a row during the week definitely would not be useful to
awake
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awaken
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 an interest in a first-grade child. In conclusion, the diversity of
school
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subjects
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 which includes art, music or drama
classes
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 could have a positive impact on primary students by increasing their
brain
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activity
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 processes and keeping them involved and
being
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apply
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interested in studying.

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coherence cohesion
Try to include a broader range of linking words to enhance the flow of the essay. While your essay demonstrates a good use of structure, varying your connecting phrases can make your points even more cohesive.
task achievement
Expand on your examples with more specific details to strengthen your argument. While you reference research and provide scenarios, adding more particular instances or data can enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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