IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this?

#countries #proportion #acts #teenagers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
At
this
Linking Words
 moment, there are some countries show of criminal acts are carried out by adolescents.
This
Linking Words
 essay will illustrate what causes these
problems
Use synonyms
 and how to solve them. There are plenty of causes of teenagers who make an illegal, including, a social environment with family, friends and
school
Use synonyms
 systems.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, young people may see the violent act of their parents or friends who is not good may lead us to do the bad things.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 systems could make them imitate because there are battles and shooting in the games.
For example
Linking Words
 from these causes, teenagers will copy the people around them.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it could make them violent,
such
Linking Words
 as, addictive and fight with each other.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there are examples of violence from games,
such
Linking Words
 as RoV, Pub-g and free-fire.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the violence caused by
children
Use synonyms
 may be due to the people around them and their social environment.
However
Linking Words
, I believe there are various solutions to these
problems
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as the
school
Use synonyms
 should add more activities for
children
Use synonyms
 and government should give them more public spaces.
Firstly
Linking Words
, schools should give them freedom of speech and support their hobbies.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
 have more space they could spend time on what they like and relax after
school
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, parents should be open to talk and change mindset to their kids.
For example
Linking Words
 from hobbies, baking a cake and playing music will help to show their talents.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the game should have warnings in a good way.
Hence
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
 could be solved. To conclude, teenagers who have criminal acts will be decreased. If the schools, parents and government could take part in it,
then
Linking Words
 we could solve these issues and
problems
Use synonyms
 will eventually be solved.
Submitted by thitiwatpava on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: