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Band 4

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #life
Nowadays, It is frequently argued that
women
 are more suitable for childcare than men as a consequence that they should take care of
children
instead
 of working. In
this
 essay, I will explain the reason why I strongly disagree with the statement.
Firstly
, I think that in modern society there are
any
Correct quantifier usage
no
show examples
 differences between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and female
thank
Fix the agreement mistake
thanks
show examples
 to the
developpement
Correct your spelling
development
 of
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 mind,
infact
Correct your spelling
in fact
, in the past,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people used to think that there were differences from
women
 to men because the man could be considered a higher level and for
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 he had to
work
 for his family and
this
 situation was provided
also
 from the government with unbelievable laws. Nowadays,
luckliy
Correct your spelling
luckily
,
this
 difference is deleted and both sexes have the same role in society and for
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 I think that
women
 can
work
instead
 of
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 care of
children
 because they can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
workers
Correct the article-noun agreement
worker
show examples
 and not only a great mother which is,
also
, in my opinion, one of the most difficult jobs in the contemporary World.
In addition
, I believe that
also
 a father can focus on raising younger due to the fact that the mother could
work
 more hours than him and for
this
 reason he will spend several time with their
children
 and
this
 can be considered as a normal routine. In conclusion, I think that there are no more differences between males and females and if the
women
 would like to
work
 they have to do it,
although
 some people believe that they are more suitable for
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
children
.
Submitted by edogiova01 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • nurturing
  • empathy
  • sensitivity
  • maternal instinct
  • paternal involvement
  • child's development
  • work-life balance
  • gender equality
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