IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation
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Juveniles are experiencing
great
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a great
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 level of
life
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in contrast
Linking Words
 to their
parents
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 which encompass more amenities, while they are more depressed and
not
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do not
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 enjoy their
life
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 as much as their
parents
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. It seems that easier achievements and comparison
their
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of their
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
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lifestyle
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 with others obstruct them from enjoying their own
life
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.
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These
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There
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These
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 kinds of views have roots in childhood
years
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 and should solve on that
years
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. Adolescences are not satisfied with their
life
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 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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two main reasons.
First
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 of all, in comparison to the past,
less
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being less
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 hardworking is necessary for answering your
first
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 needs. It means a well-paid job, adequate accommodation, healthy food and etcetera are all accessible for young people which needed burning oil for other generations.
As a result
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, youngsters who achieve all
stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 straightforward, do not appreciate their situations and belongings thoroughly.
Secondly
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, in social
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media
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Add a comma
,medias
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medias
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media
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 there are numerous celebrities with fancy
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Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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life styles
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lifestyles
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 which leads adolescences to compare their
life
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 with them all the time and
consequently
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 not satisfied with their
owl
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own
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life
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 and feel completely depressed. Psychologists mainly believe all attitudes in adults is the result of upbringing
years
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. Not enjoying
life
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 in
adolescences
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescence
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 happens when
parents
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 behave in an inappropriate way. To explain more, nowadays
parents
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 try hard to prepare all amenities and facilities for their kids so they grow up without
enter
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entering
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 acting with any challenges. Spoiled children with no great vision who just pay attention to materialistic aspects of
life
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 but if
parents
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 let the children
to
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apply
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experience the real-
life
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 challenges and speak with them about
world
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the world
a world
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in
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from
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deeper
Correct article usage
a deeper
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 point of view, they would not even think about comparing themselves with celebrities. These children would set goals for themselves and get satisfied by hardworking to achieve them
therefore
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 see their personality as a meaningful one. In conclusion, upbringing methods plus social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 mislead juveniles from precious
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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life styles
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lifestyles
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 and
also
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 satisfying deep inside.
Parents
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 in children’s growing
years
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 can modify
this
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 type of view.
Submitted by pejhan.red on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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