IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

#people #employment #ones #create
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In
this
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 modern age,
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
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 competitive environment in
job
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 markets
push
Change the verb form
pushes
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 adults to try harder to snag a
job
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. In
this
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 scenario, it might be quite challenging for aged
people
Use synonyms
 to get a survival post. There are many issues associated with
this
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 which are explained in the following paragraphs along with some remedies.
To begin
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 with, overpopulation is the prime reason
of
Change preposition
for
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Linking Words
this harsh realities
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this harsh reality
these harsh realities
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 where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most of the qualified adults have been struggling to
sustin
Correct your spelling
sustain
 the
job
Use synonyms
 market.
In other words
Linking Words
, one can imagine simply that
this
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 trend put high pressure on energetic and young blood and how much laborious it would be for older ones. Moving
further
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, if aged folks are in
line
Add an article
the line
a line
show examples
 of post searching and it would elevate more pressure for
job
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 seekers,
Add an article
the
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unemployment rate would be increased respectively.
Secondly
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, old
people
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's stamina and strength
is
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are
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 decayed with time, so it might not be fruitful for
company
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a company
the company
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which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 would hire
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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.
Further
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, the prime solution to the demanding issue is that every post should have
age
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an age
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 limit; thereby the firms could hire the potential according to their need.
This
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 notion will
depicts
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depict
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 the older
job
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 seekers in which field
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 eligible or not and it will reduce unnecessary competition.
Secondly
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, the authorities should stipend to a certain age number in response
of
Change preposition
to
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well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
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 and survival of the populace. To conclude
then
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, undoubtedly, if aged
people
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 start competing will young
people
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,
then
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 it will enhance pressure on youngsters and
this
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 unwanted competitive environment could be curbed by allowing stipend to the older ones for survival.
Submitted by parneet.k876 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ageism
  • Generational divide
  • Technological advancements
  • Skills gap
  • Job scarcity
  • Industry preferences
  • Pension expenditure
  • Financial planning
  • Employability
  • Retraining programs
  • Upskilling opportunities
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