IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#visitors #attractions
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Certain individuals argue that international
visitors
Use synonyms
 should be charged more than local people in order to
visit
Use synonyms
 cultural and historical attractions. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to highlight my view by using points and examples to prove the argument.
First
Linking Words
 of all, local people would take pride
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own ancient attractions whenever international
tourists
Use synonyms
 would
visit
Use synonyms
 them. Spreading their culture for travellers to know more about their country is more valuable than getting money.
However
Linking Words
, charging extra entrance fees to international
tourists
Use synonyms
 for the preservation and maintenance of
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 heritage will reduce their visits.
This
Linking Words
 is because
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 order to introduce culture to other countries, many
visitors
Use synonyms
 are required, so if there are fewer
visitors
Use synonyms
, cultures are unable to be well known.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is a not good way to increase their fees to cultural locations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, most international
tourists
Use synonyms
 decide to
visit
Use synonyms
 other countries with
limited
Add an article
a limited
show examples
 budget. For
this
Linking Words
 reason,
tourists
Use synonyms
 may come back if they try to
visit
Use synonyms
 without knowing the additional charge. In fact, in some cases, even extra fees
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 only charged to foreign
tourists
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 have been announced in advance. With
this
Linking Words
, international
tourists
Use synonyms
 would not
visit
Use synonyms
 there and think it was unfair. Foreign
visitors
Use synonyms
 pay enough money for other expenses
such
Linking Words
 as accommodation, food and souvenirs. To sum up, I believe that people should know that it is more important for others to let our own cultures
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be known to others than economic profit. Increasing payment to international
tourists
Use synonyms
 would decrease
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourism and reduce the cultural widespread.
Submitted by lovein9311 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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