IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many student find it difficult to pay attention at school .what are the reasons for this ?what could be done to solve this problem ?

#student #attention #school
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The past few years have seen a dramatic increase in the
numbers
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number
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 of
students
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 who are struggling to pay
attention
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 at
school
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. The goal of
this
Linking Words
 essay is to elaborate on the causes of
this
Linking Words
 dilemma in terms of physiological
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electronics overuse and suggest two viable ways of improving
this
Linking Words
 solution. The primary reason is
physiological
Add an article
a physiological
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factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, there are many
students
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suffer
Correct pronoun usage
who suffer
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 from
Attention
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 Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), which affects their ability to focus on their academic curriculum for more than
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 minutes.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
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a round
Correct your spelling
around
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 11
percent
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per cent
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 of the junior
school
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students
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 in the USA have been diagnosed
of
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with
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 ADHD.
This
Linking Words
 responsibility lies with the government to offer
the
Correct article usage
apply
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treatment for those pupils. Hopefully, that decrease the number of people who has
this
Linking Words
 problem. The
second
Linking Words
 reason is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electronics overuse.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, the majority of
students
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 these days became fond of
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
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 devices
such
Linking Words
 as phones ,tablets and computers. They used to deal with it as an entertainment source,
instead
Linking Words
 of the main purposes of these gadgets.
For instance
Linking Words
 ,the
students
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 sometimes spend the whole day with these devices without parental control and
this
Linking Words
affect
Change the verb form
affects
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 their ability to
pat
Correct your spelling
pay
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attention
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 at
school
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. Parents must take the lead in dealing with
this
Linking Words
 issue by increasing the supervision of their children and limit the time of using these tools.
This
Linking Words
 solution could help them to concentrate on their study. Bottom line, the challenge of paying
attention
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 at
school
Use synonyms
 is a serious problem, which can be talked
by
Change preposition
about by
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 efforts of the governments and the families .
Submitted by m.nafsy on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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