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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
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It is believed that after being
to
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in
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 jail once, many criminals continue committing more
crimes
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. There are a few reasons and there are certain measures to be taken to resolve the problem which I will discuss in the following paragraphs. One of the main causes of the problem is unemployment and
consequently
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, poverty. Criminals can not get many of the jobs, as even after serving they are under
the
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apply
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police supervision.
For example
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, to live a normal life you need money, but because of unemployment, there is no
such
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 opportunity.
Hence
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, they begin doing
crimes
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 again to survive. The solution is that government should cancel the law about those who can not work due to a criminal record.
Such
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rule
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a rule
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 will encourage
people
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 not to offend but to work and there is a chance of
decrease
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a decrease
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 in
a
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the
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 crime rate. Another reason is the atmosphere and conditions in jails. Unfortunately, the measures taken in these buildings are cruel and it means that
people
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 become more aggressive because of it.
Also
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, cellmates and not only they, often agree among themselves about
crimes
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 after serving a sentence. To formulate
this
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 view, many
people
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 who have committed petty
crimes
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 are with those who did much worse
offenses
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offences
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 so they can co-operate to do felonies. To tackle
this
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 issue, the authorities ought to create not
such
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 tough conditions where
people
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 literally need to survive and resettle criminals alone if possible. In conclusion, my opinion is that the main responsibility for solving the problem lies with the government which should organize sessions with psychologists and other different programs for lawbreakers to be sure they will not return to crime.
Submitted by mats180707 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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