IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

n many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

#n #cities #video #cameras #places #crime #people #measures #freedom #security
In the contemporary era, the
crime
 rate has emerged as one of the gravest concerns globally, which has led to the employment of
security
cameras
.
Although
 some believe that video surveillance has deterred
crime
 considerably, others oppose
this
 notion owing to the fear of
privacy
 invasion.
Nevertheless
, the positives of
security
cameras
, in the context of curtailing
crime
 rates, overpower their negatives, which are explored in the impending paragraphs. On the one hand, opponents of video
cameras
 present in public places cite the intrusion aspect of
this
 method. To explain
this
, since these
cameras
 record and scrutinize everything on the streets,
this
 involves a greater risk of being filmed in
privacy
 as well.
For instance
, those who are against the usage of public
cameras
, point to the evidence of
privacy
 leakage incidents that stem from
such
 securities. Admittedly, public
cameras
 do detoxify street
crime
,
however
, at the expense of intruding
privacy
, which very often is claimed as a prohibitive measure.
On the other hand
, well-spread
cameras
 may decline numerous minor delinquencies.
In other words
, several
crimes
,
such
 as shoplifting, burglary and pickpocketing are well-lessened
due to
 the constant recording by these
cameras
.
For instance
, not only may petty shoplifters and muggers hesitate to take unlawful steps, but
also
 may be aware of the consequences of being caught by
such
security
 checks.
Similarly
, continuous video filming of public streets provides long-lasting shreds of evidence, which can be utilised at any point in time and place to spot the delinquent.
This
 implies that patrol police staff would no longer be required to document
crimes
 and catch thefts as these tasks would be carried out by the
cameras
.
For example
, in several regions,
security
cameras
 have replaced the roles of patrol police
due to
 which they apportioned certain duties and responsibilities to the police that
security
cameras
 fail to undertake.
Hence
, there are numerous advantages of
security
cameras
 which include minimising expenditure of staff members
as well as
 reducing street
crimes
. To encapsulate, it can be concluded that despite the interference caused by
security
cameras
, there are several advantages, ranging from decreased petty
crimes
 to a substantial drop in human effort, that overpower the drawbacks.
Nevertheless
, prime locations should be chosen to introduce
cameras
 where not only may
cameras
 be able to film social events, but
also
 dwellers may feel safe and secure.
Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on

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task achievement
While the essay effectively addresses the topic, offering a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages of video surveillance, it could benefit from slightly more nuanced arguments on privacy concerns to offer a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Try to integrate counter-arguments more seamlessly into your points to enhance the depth of analysis. This will show a thorough understanding and critical evaluation of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas to maintain the flow of the essay. This will help in elevating the overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying sentence structure and length to avoid repetitive patterns. This can make the essay more engaging and demonstrate your range of language skills.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, providing a clear thesis that outlines the main points to be covered.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph is well-structured with clear main ideas supported by relevant examples, contributing to a logical flow of arguments throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed and reinforces the essay's thesis, providing a strong ending to the discussion.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, supported by specific examples.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and well-developed, showing a good command of the subject matter and the ability to articulate thoughts coherently.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance
  • deterrent
  • public safety
  • crime prevention
  • invasion of privacy
  • evidence
  • crime-solving
  • monitoring
  • security measures
  • privacy infringements
  • footage
  • misuse
  • accountability
  • maintenance costs
  • law enforcement
What to do next:
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